Dennis the Menace!

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Happy New Year!

Yes, how exciting it it?  2008!  Yahoo!  (whatever) 

For the first time in my adult life I really don’t give a flying rat’s ass that we have hit a new year.  Actually I may have transformed into a grumpy man at the passing of midnight because the older I get the faster time goes.  So much to do in so little time. 

It also didn’t help that my entire Christmas/New year break from work was occupied with a strange illness that seriously almost put me in the hospital.  I don’t know if it was the flu…or some sort of virus, but for 3 straight days I had stomach cramps.  Bad ones.  They were so bad that I begged my wife to go to the store and buy me midol.  She laughed when I asked for it, thinking I was joking, but I wasn’t.  She wouldn’t do it, but after a few days of eating nothing but toast and water, the stomach issues finally went away.  What a fun way to spend the New Year.  I felt even worst because we had a planned trip to go down to Indy and spend New Years with my wife’s friends from college and my mystery illness prevented us from making the trip. 

So, New Years was still a good time.  My wife and I stayed in and played board games while I tore ass like nobody’s business all night.   I actually laughed at one point at how far our relationship has come in 7 years.   We used to stay in on New Years and do appetizers mixed in with a little hanky panky.  Now we stay in and wear our pajamas and pass gas (me passing gas, not my wife) while playing board games.  Good times and good images.  What can I say, I am a true romantic. 

Speaking of New Years, while we watched Dick Clark’s Rockin New Years Eve this year, and I hate to say it, but it’s time to pass the torch to Ryan Seacrest.   I can’t say I am a huge fan of Seacrest, but I will say that I enjoy watching him more than a post stroke Dick Clark.  I don’t want to be the bad guy, but Dick Clark is 78 years old and has worked his entire life.  Should he finally just sit back and enjoy the empire that he created without worrying about being there?  I have to wonder if he continues to count down the ball drop because he feels it wouldn’t be the same without him or if it is the networks that pressure him into it.  It says alot when my wife will not look at the TV screen when he is on it because she doesn’t want his current condition being how she remembers someone that she enjoyed watching while she was growing up.  I would have to agree with her.  After a church meeting last night while discussing it over a couple of beers, a few guys even went so far to say that Dick Clark is a vampire that they drag out of his coffin once a year.  When discussing what we thought his age was we estimated that he was in his late 80’s, but after doing a little research today, I was surprised to learn that he is only 78 years old.  He is younger than my grandparents which is pretty surprising.  I even have to wonder if his still young looks and brown hair at that age is due to hair coloring or if he is a freak of nature and never went gray. 

Today I finally get my new permanent porcelain tooth installed.  Is that what they call it?  An installation?  In 55 minutes I will sit down in a chair and pray that the same woman that F’d up my previous 2 visits doesn’t do the same with the installation of my new permanent tooth.  I am still upset that they didn’t let me pick a crazy ass color for my new tooth.  I would have done Gold.  Or Purple.  How cool would it be to have a purple tooth?  Pretty bad ass if you ask me. 

This is day 2 of my New Years resolutions. I have done well and will post about every single leaf that I have turned over so that when I am observed with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth another 2olbs heavier I can feel the embarassment that I feel when I see other people drop their resolutions by the second week of January. 

I hope each and every one of you have a wonderful 2008 and beyond!

Filed under: New Year, Resolutions, confused, dentist, fart, game shows, grouchy, mean, pain, romance, sore, stink, stupid, train wreck, weird, wife, work

…comeondown!

 

Today, I can not get game shows off my mind.  It was announced today that Bob Barker will be replaced with funnyman Drew Carey.  I don’t know how to feel since I have watched Bob Barker all my life.  He is without a doubt the essence of that show and I don’t know if it will succeed without him.  The reason I can not get game shows off my mind is because last night after my softball game, I have made a pact with myself.  I am going to try and get on a game show.  This epiphany hit me last night after the softball game because one of the guys on my team said he would be missing our playoff game on Thursday because he is going to be on The Wheel of Fortune.  I kinda laughed as did he becuase typically when you ask why someone isn’t going to be at a game, you might hear someone say “well…I have to work.” or “I will be traveling for work”, but not “I will be on The Wheel of Fortune”.  I had to ask the story and he said that four years ago he and some fraternity brothers completed applications to be on the Wheel as a joke.  Years later he received a call to come to auditions and after they cut down a large group, he was chosen.  So, he flys out tomorrow (Wednesday) and flys back on Friday.  The interesting then he told me that I did not know is that they actually film 6 shows a day.  Interesting.  My wife has always said that she has had a life long dream of being on The Wheel of Fortune.  So, today I completed her online application and was 75percent done with mine until Microsoft Engineers started to walk towards my desk and I had to close all the windows I was using to apply.  Let me dig deeper on this to explain. 

On the online application (you can see it here and register for yourself):  http://www.wheeloffortune.com/contestant_registration.adult.php (I need to learn how to hotlink)

They ask all sorts of intersting questions.  Like:

Are you a teacher?  Do you have a pet? Are you a parent? Are you a Fan of the NFL, NBA, MLB, WNBA, Nascar, Country Music, and Soap Opera.   If you answer yes, you have to list who your favorite person is for each of those perspective categories.  Am I a fan of all those things?  NO.  But am I going to say I am a fan so that I can get on The Wheel of Fortune?  Hells yeah.  I have said in my life, “Hey, you wanna go to the bar to catch the WNBA Houston Comets take on the Minnesota Lynx?”  As a matter of fact, I have probably watched a total of 2 minutes of WNBA basketball in my entire life.  But, if saying that I love Sheryl Swoopes gets me on that show I am down.  I would stand next to a smelly homeless guy if it gives me a chance to be on the show.  I am a game show whore.  I just came to that realization.  Sad, really. 

As I saw the people from Microsoft enter my cubicle row, it dawned on me that I had Internet Explorer windows open to The Wheel of Fortune, The WNBA website, NASCAR website, and The Days of Our Life website.  I really don’t know how to explain the humor that would go through their mind to see each of their website names at the bottom of my monitor as they stand and talk to me.  I started “X” ing every single browser window as if I was getting caught looking at Porn on a company machine.  It would have probably been as embarrasing. 

I figure with all of the gameshows that I am bound to get selected if I apply to hundreds of them.  This could be a fun journey that I am about to depart on.  I will fill you in when there are any turns of events.

Filed under: game shows, weird, wife, work