Ebay stupidity

In an effort to not be banned from the great website that is EBAY I will tell this tell in generalities with the hope that I can capture the story in a manner that doesn’t take away from it.  Names in this story have been changed to protect the identies…

So…I have this “friend” that went to a baseball game this week where they handed out a pretty cool freebie to the first 10,000 fans.  My “friend” was fortunate enough to get there early enough that he and his wife each got one of these awesome giveaways that would no doubt warrant interest from perspective buyers though the fan. 

So, my friends watched the game and kept their souvernirs in a bag that they had brought along with them under neath their seats at the park.  It was raining and cold so the blankets from the bag were covering them leaving just the boxes that housed the items in a canvas bag sitting on the ground.  The game ends, the team wins, my friends go home happy to not only watch a great game but to have two fun give aways. 

The next day, my friend went online to be shocked that the give aways from the night before were going for around 35.00 each through ebay.  So, not wanted to miss out on this opportunity to make a few bucks, decided that he too, would sell one of two items he had received just the night before.  Having never sold anything on Ebay, this would be his first auction ever. (He had bought several times, just never sold) 

He basically “borrowed” a photo from another auction of the box and item since he had the same thing at home.  He posted the auction and within hours his item was already up to 30 bucks.  Excited he goes home and pulls out the bag that housed the two items.  To his horror, both boxes were essentially destroyed by what my friend would guess was some dumbasses behind him that were spilling beer as the two fans sat in the bleachers.  It was raining, and the boxes had dried, but apparently the cardboard used for these boxes was not top quality, causing them to have an adverse reaction to beer, causing the boxes to fall apart in serval places. 

My friend, knowing that this being his first EBay auction and not wanting to ship something out that wasn’t “as advertised” began to panice wondering how on earth he could tell the buyer upon the competion of the auction that the item is fine, but the box is destroyed.  Would my friend offer free shipping?  If it were my friend, he would have been pissed if he ordered this collectible and received a box that was destroyed.  The last thing he wanted was to have negative feedback on his first ever auction.  What to do…what to do…

So, my friend decided that it would be best to have someone else that he knew go online and outbid everyone with the knowledge that the friend knows that he will not be actually buying it and no money would be trading hands.  So the friend did being a good friend. 

Little did my friend know that upon the auction completion, Ebay charges around 10% of the final auction price.  Apparently that’s how they roll.  So, for his first auction experience, not only did he not sell his item, but the whole process ended up costing him nearly five dollars. 

Absolutely insane weekend ahead of me.  Between tonight and Sunday night, I have 6 different events that I will be entertaining at.  Wouldn’t be so bad other than the fact that I started coming down with some sort of cold/flu thingy yesterday.  The last time I did two events while being sick, it was a pretty traumatic experience, much less doing it 6 times in a little more than 48 hours.   Hopefully I’ll be like the New Kids on the Block and be hanging tough.  Yep, I just used a NKOB reference.  I’ll end it on that note.  Have a great weekend!

Filed under: Ebay, balloon, friend, stupid, train wreck, weekend

The silent assassin strikes again

I feel sick to my stomach at this precise moment.  Why is it that the people I enjoy working with quit and the douchebags that I can’t stand continue to taunt me in my workplace?  I started working for the man three years ago and when I started I had a crew of friends that I went through training with who became the closest things to friends that I had at my place of work.   Eventually, one by one they left leaving me seriously with not nearly someone I would remotely consider a friend at my office.  On top of that, instead of being seated in a “quad” cubicle arrangement, I was placed in a “solo” cube with my back to a window, therefore I am as isolated as it gets in a cloth walled farm.  I go days without the interaction of another human other than the clients I serve over the phone.  I have taken on the role of what I consider a ghost in my office, which I could debate the many positives and negatives in astouding fashion.  The good thing is that I can come and go anytime I please and no one is the wiser.  The bad thing is that I don’t interact with anyone on my team, leaving me to be “that weird guy”.  Maybe I’m not “that weird guy” but I get the vibe that maybe I am.  My nickname on my team is “The silent assassin”.  They call me that because sometimes when they do team emails and people start ripping each other, I usually come up with a doozie to which you can hear everyone start laughing out loud and say “The silent assassin strikes again!” I don’t know what it is but when I have a few moments to think along with the aide of google images, I can pretty much email slam anyone.  Maybe that’s why no one talks to me.  Hmmmm….

All of this has been brought out by one of the last few people that I truly enjoyed working with walking out today.  I didn’t even know he was leaving, nor did he say goodbye, which tells you how close we were.  He sat a few desks over from me and he was truly the heart and sole of our team.  Always good for comedy relief and probably one of the most liked reps in our company.  He was the guy that would tear ass as loud as he possibly could just to be funny regardless of who could hear.  No holds barred.  The only good that will come of his departure is the massive book of business that will be chopped up and passsed along to the rest of us.  It was interesting to see how he walked out with his box at 11:30 and by 11:35 people were swarming to take wall clips, and vendor stuff that he left behind. 

Beyond that, there is nothing like starting the New Year off with a week chock full of church meetings.  This year hasn’t gotten off to the start that I had hoped, so I am going to be making some changes. 

I have a ton of fun stuff to share about my quest from Christmas through New Years Eve, and hope to begin that over the next few days.  

I am sad to report that I finished reading my first novel as an adult.  Outside of reading the bible, I haven’t picked up a book since I was 22. (That’s the sad part) It’s been more than 10 years since I sat down and began reading something other than a magazine.  I forgot how relaxing it is to get lost in a good book.   I did finish reading Max Tuckers I hope they serve beer in Hell, but I wouldn’t quite consider that a novel. In 5 days I tore through a Dean Koontz book called The Eyes of Darkness.  I am now a big fan.  Thankfully my wife has been reading his books for many years, so I have an instant library of more than 10 of his books at my disposal to devour over the coming year.  I don’t know if this is a sign that I am getting old or not, but I might be inclined to believe so. 

Oh well…back to the grind.  I’ve got to keep being quiet so no one at my office figures out that I’m a pretty fun person.

Filed under: Livin the dream, New Year, boredom, fart, friend , Silent Assassin

Happy Valentines Day

(I will explain the dress photo below.  Photo was downloaded from Mark Byrne’s website www.balloonguy.net and dress created by Rie Hosokai www.daisyballoon.com)

Yep, it’s Valentines day.  What am I gonna do for my baby tonight?  Nothing.  I have my billiards league.  Sweet, right?  No?  I know that already. I covered my bases. 

I sent her flowers today…at least I think I did.  I seriously ordered them two months ago because apparently if you order in December, you get December rose prices, which I have learned is the slowest month for rose orders which means they drop their prices.  So, I am hoping that my order didn’t get lost in the shuffle and that everything gets delivered.  I know it’s sad really.  I have hit an age where I monitor the price of flowers throughout the year so that I can save some money.  If you have ever used Farecast.com, I recommend it.  I have been watching the fares for airline tickets go up and down for the past two months.  I started using it for my flight to Vegas, and the site actually helped me save 40 bucks on airfare by notifying me when the prices dropped for my flight.  What they need to do is create something like this for flowers. 

My other concern is that my wife teaches at two different schools.  It’s quite possible that they do not deliver until this afternoon which would suck because they are scheduled to be delivered at the school she leaves at twelve thirty, so she may get flowers sent to her and she will not know.  Since they don’t have school tomorrow or Monday, the flowers might sit in the school office until Tuesday and be all wilted before she even lays eyes on them.  That would be my luck.  The wifey is planning something special for me tomorrow after work, so we shall see. 

I think I have hit the wall for the first time with this site.  For the first time, something I wrote long ago has come back and bit me in the ass.  I was told from someone that I care about deeply that they were on the receiving end of a tongue lashing due to something I carelessly wrote.  I essentially put a friend in the doghouse.  I went back and found what he was referencing and I was 1. shocked that I would carelessly write about the subject.  2. upset because what I had written didn’t seem to me to be a big deal, but became clear that what I wrote could have easily been hurtful to the person that stumbled upon it. 

So, I did something I never thought I would do, and removed it from my site.  I also combed through several other posts just to make sure that nothing else I wrote about this friend was incriminating in any way. 

It’s one thing for me to put myself out in the open, but an entirely different thing for me to drag friends under the wheels of the bus with me.  Lesson learned.  

I am kicking around ideas about harnessing the power of this whole blog thing for the power of good.  I have a favorite site that I just can’t get enough of:  http://bentobjects.blogspot.com/

I love that Terry creates things that originate in his mind and shares them with the world.  He has a brilliant mind and shows it through his wire sculptures.  He, along with other artists in my industry have inspired me to do something similar with my balloon twisting abilities.  I don’t know if any of you have seen that email flying around with pictues of the balloon dresses and balloon costumes, and I am not about to begin my thoughts about that email, I will save that for tomorrow, but I am ready to go big with balloons and this site just might be the place to make that happen. 

I would like to have my own amazing website created, but right now the funds aren’t there even thought it essentially is a business expense.   I have something major working that involves a major impact on my balloon business and if it goes through and I am hired, then I may be able to use those funds to have something designed.  In the meantime, I am going to attempt to start posting a new twisted creation daily, if not more often.  Hopefully get a following of people who stop by for the creation and comment about it, leave challenges and ideas.  It doesn’t hurt to dream big! 

Have a happy valentines day!

Filed under: Blog, balloon, billiard, friend, romance, wife, work

What timechange?

This weekend we gained an hour.  I don’t know where I was when we were magically handed an hour that wouldn’t normally be there.  I think back on my college days and this weekend was always my favorite.  Set the clock back an hour.  That means at midnight, it really is 11:00pm.  Which means at 1:00am it really is 12:00.  Which means the bar is opened an hour longer.  Which means I would have an extra hour to pick up girls and make a drunken fool of myself. 

Not this year.  When it dawned on me that this was “set your clock back” weekend, my first thought was an extra hour of sleep.  Man I am getting old.  If someone came up to you and said, “Here is an hour, what do you want to do with it?” what would you choose?  I could think of a million things, but sleep vaulted to the top of the list. 

Friday night I went to a wine tasting at my church.  It was neat because after finally acquiring a nice little buzz from downing 50-60 little one ounce sips I discovered that the pourers were actually distributors.  The four tables were being run by people that had a vested interest in the sale of the wines at their particular table.  Also, each of the distributors actually knew what they were talking about when it came to wine.  This is only a relevant statement when I tell you the game I started playing midway through the wine tasting. 

I like this wine tasting picture because the only part of the woman you see other than her hand and the glass is her right boob. 

When you taste wine, there is a process.  They pour under an ounce of the wine into your glass.   First you have to look at it. What’s the color?  Then swirl.  How does it cling to the side of the glass?  Then smell.  Does it smell like dingleberry is the main ingredient?  If ass is the overall smell, then you might not like the flavor.  Then taste.  After you taste, you have to have a strange constipated look as you try to appear as though you have a built in savant like ability that would allow you to cough out a little slip of paper that has a percentage breakdown of the fruit and spices that created the wine. 

We had a sheet of paper that had general descriptions of each wine, like Cabernet Franc…a classic variety of France, is destined to be one of the finest wines grown in Michigan.  A late ripening of grape, the flavor is as spectacular as the color of Michigan leaves in October and almost as dry.  Or, Red Arrow Red-This blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot & Cabernet Franc has a complex nose and finish of berries and cherry with spice and pepper.  Will pair well with strongly flavored chesses, pork and lamb as well as rich dark chocolate dessert. 

Most people when they taste wine quickly describe what they tasted. “The cherry really stands out in this wine!”  Or “This is very dry!” 

Well, my game was to guess absolutely the opposite of what I tasted to see what type of reaction came from the wine people. One with peach, I would say “you can really taste the strawberry…” Or with very dry reds, I would say “What a sweet wine, this would go great with dessert!”  Several times the wine pourers would quickly look back down at the bottle they had just poured to make sure they had poured the one I asked for, and then they would have a puzzled look on their face.  I was impressed that not a single one of them corrected me.  Funny how each of them were trying to be nice so that I would buy their wine. 

On Saturday night during the Stupidtom (www.stupidtom.com) Internation Fight League night, I openly swore off the McRib sandwich after noticing weird things happen to my stomach.  I ate 4 McRibs in 3 days and without trying to be gross, they had turned my stool a very unusual color of dark green.  I know that was what caused it because it has been 3 days since my last McRib and I am back to normal….or close to.  I can’t say normal because yesterday I made my homemade chili and after 6 or 7 bowls throughout the day, normal is the least likely descriptive word for it. 

The International Fight League was a very good time.  Thanks to StupidTom for inviting me.  The part of the evening that sucked due to the IFL’s lack of entertainment prowess was easily smacked down by the group of guys in the suite.  I would sit through a Christmas Nutcracker show with an endless supply of beer and a fun group of guys.  So long as we could heckle the way it was done on Saturday.  I can’t say I will ever attend an IFL match again, unless of course it is once again free, and I will be there with bells on. 

Filed under: Church, beer, friend, grouchy, mean, poop, sleepy, stupid, weird

Wa happen?

Can I just say quickly and for the record that I feel as if someone pressed the fast forward button onlife and decided to dump 10 weeks worth of projects on me to be completed in one week?  That is what I feel like. 

I have to look back at the last three days to think about the crazy happenings in the lift of me. 

 

1.  Recumbent bicycles.  What the F?  Who on earth came up with this thought:  “It’s fun to ride a bike, but it would be even funner if I could do it while lying on my back!”  I think my mind can grasp the concept from a health and comfort standpoint.  What doesn’t feel better when you are laying down?  There is no question there.  But my issue is the fact that these recumbent biking retards are riding around the back roads of the chicagoland suburbs as if there are not cars coming from each direction on two lane roads.  If these idiots didn’t put any thought into it, let me.  As a driver during my commute home or to Algonquin on Tuesdays, I drive West.  As I drive west I face the sun as it sets which casts a bright ass glare on my windshield.  It’s hard enough to drive with the sun in your eyes but now I have to contend with my worries about running over a biker that is hard enough to see on a normal bicycle, much less a recumbent bike that gives the rider a total height of 28″ off the ground.  It’s like midgets riding bikes.  I can’t handle it.  I am going to say it now.  If I hit any of you recumbent bastards, I might feel sorry for you for a few minutes, but my sorry will quickly move on to wonder why on earth you felt it would be safe to ride a bike that is hard to see while driving unless you are looking toward the ground.  From here on out I will use the word “recumbent” as an adjective towards someone that I feel is making a stupid decision.  “Man, that Mike is recumbent!”  “Who would smoke a cigarette while pumping gas is beyond me!”  Recumbent bikes are for the gym, home, or forrest preserve, not the highway numbnuts!

2.  My new area of sitting at work is very isolated.  I have no one  that I share space with now, so I can pretty much do whatever I want in my little desk space.  My only issue is that I have been seated within ten feet of the most prominent company gas passer.  On Wednesday he tore ass so loudly that coworkers from 50 feet away were laughing.  This guy takes such pride in trying to tear ass as loud as humanly possible.   I can’t help but laugh my ass off each and every time. 

3.  DirecTV customer service employees are not the brightest people on earth (although a lot of them are sweet with their accent).  I posted about my newfound favor with DirecTV.  Only to set up my superfan supercast this morning and realize that I was not give the Superfan as promised on Tuesday.  I called back into DirecTV and the customer service lady explained to me that the woman that offered me the world on Tuesday didn’t actually make a change on my account other than to actually remove my Sunday ticket without issuing a credit to my account.  So, not only did this lady not come through with her promises, but she screwed me in the process.  Lucky for me, she had left her offer notes in the system or I might have had another go around with a DirecTV cancellation specialist.   

4.  I did the same thing today to Nextel/Sprint.  I called and threatened to cancel.  Not only did they drop my monthly bill 20.00 per month, but they offered me the next 3 months free.  My wife is dumbfounded by my enjoyment in budget crunching.  I just like playing the game. 

Hot weekend ahead.  I drive 8 total hours to twist for 3 hours on Saturday. www.misterd.balloonhq.com  They are definitely making it worth my time. 

Sunday I am yet again missing my beloved NFL Sunday because I will be on a chartered boat out on Lake Michigan fishing for fish that I have never fished before in my life.  I like to fish for bass.  I like the skill in casting.  From what I understand, we just troll along and a fish jumps on the lure.  Then you have to wear out your arms reeling in a fish.  Sounds like fun.  What will make it even more fun is combining beer to that whole transaction.  I guess I can’t be too upset drinking and fishing with a bunch of guys on what is supposed to be a beautiful Sunday. 

Have a great weekend! 

Filed under: Car, achy, balloon, beer, confused, excuse, fish, friend, grouchy, mean, muscles, pain, sore, stink, stupid, train wreck, weird, work

I have a friend

 

Happy Friday y’all!  I am feeling a little better today but I still have a rough cough and pulled muscles in my back from the power sneezes that seem to pull a new muscle each time it happens. 

I received a pretty fun call yesterday and would like to share. 

I have a friend that I play on a Thursday night pool league with.  I met him while playing pool a few years ago, and our friendship doesn’t go too far beyond the pool league even though we are neighbors.  He 14 years my elder and just recently married a year ago.  They didn’t wait long in their pursuit for children because at the age of 45 you have to decide if it’s going to happen or not.  There is no more waiting around.  So, he and his wife (who is 37) wasted no time in having children.  Their due date came and went two weeks ago and the doctors kept telling them that they would induce on the 20th of September (4 weeks late). They finally mustered up the courage to force the doctors to induce earlier once the news had come in that the baby was extremely large (11 lbs) and had a head the size of a turkey (10 inches diameter.)  I don’t know what all that means, but they decided that due to the size of the child they were going to do a C section.  Can’t say I blame them.  Just the thought of pushing something that is 10 or 11 inches in diameter out of a hole that is meant for maybe something 2 to 3 inches in diameter makes me squeamish. 

So, he called me yesterday saying they were going to induce and do a C section.  My first thoughts were to congratulate him.  He went on to explain that there was a slight chance that he still might make it to pool last night…

What? 

I asked the question…”You think you are going to have a baby in the morning and still make it to pool that evening?” 

He proceeded to say that his wife thought that he still might be able to make it to pool.  I started laughing hysterically and explained that it might be in his better judgement to pass up Pool last night and enjoy the day his first born has come into the world.  I appreciate his dedication but I forsaw a lifetime of her being pissed off about him leaving her in the hospital having had her stomach cut opened to remove their child so that he could drink beer and play pool.  I wish I had that kind of courage.

On a winning note, we played the first place team and we kicked their ass last night.  We were in second so we should vault into first place.  Mucho Dinero is on the line. 

Busy weekend ahead.  It is week one in the NFL and I will sadly say that I might only catch the late Sunday night game and Monday night as well. Due to the pool league, I didn’t get to see a moment of Indy’s domination over NO.   If you don’t know anything about me, know that if I don’t get football on a Sunday, I get a little on the cranky side.  I have even caught myself wimpering and moaning when I am alone while I try and pull stats and scores off my cellphone. 

On Saturday we are heading down to see my family and look at a bunch of wood crafty things in tents like we do each year for the Marigold festival. 

Sunday I am twisting the day away (www.misterd.balloonhq.com) for a charity that I haven’t been too involved with but they have an amazing passion for helping others.  It is called Helping from Heaven, The Lexi Kazian Foundation. Here is their site:  www.helpingfromheaven.org

Lexi’s story is traumatic and the work that the parents are doing in Lexi’s name is wonderful.  They are having her 3rd annual birthday bash on September 9th from 2-6 pm at the Independence Grove Forest Preserve in Libertyville, IL.  I will be balloon twisting from 3-6 which pretty much has me missing the Bears game.  I am going to attempt to Tivo it and plug my ears until I get in front of the tele. 

Have a great weekend. 

Filed under: balloon, billiard, body, confused, excuse, friend, pain, stupid

Super fun…supergay!

  

So, I am sad to report that last night didn’t finish off with the hopeful porn like bang that I had hoped for, but it was still a very enjoyable evening. 

 

As I wrote yesterday, since I was kicked out of the house for the evening, I asked Mike if he and I could take his son and daughter to Great America.  The scariest thing happened to me last night.  I had a great time. 

 

Rewind my life to 3 years ago and ask me if I would have a great time going to Great America with a friend and 2 young children.  The answer would have probably been “No”.  I would even go out on a limb and say that I may have enjoyed Great America more last night than I ever had in all of my visits with friends.  I can’t even describe it.  I probably had my biggest brush with fatherhood ever and I have to say that I enjoyed it more than I would have ever imagined.  Weird. The highlight of the evening was watching a guy and two girls sing songs from the 80’s while dresses up in the 80’s garb.  The man was so flamingly gay. I saw two other gay guys walk up and they laughed as they started to walk away as if to say that he is too gay for them. I have never seen gay guys laugh at the gayness of another. So, as we were getting ready to roll out last night I became a little sad that it was coming to an end so I went to the office and dropped 50 bucks on a season pass so that I can hang with my peeps D and Olivia.  (4 and 2 years old respectively.)  I hope that we go back several times before the end of the season. 

 

By the time I walked in the door to home it was 9:30 and I was surprised to find out that my wife and her girly friends were just getting started on dinner and drinking.  I decided to sport my new SuperMan cape that I bought at Great America as I walked into the house to embarrass my wife.  After all the ladies were laughing I announced that I was planning on surprising Jeanne with it by wearing it out of the shower while naked the next night, and that made Jeanne turn a color that I had never seen before.  Hey! She always asks when I am going to start wearing fun outfits for her in the bedroom, so who is she to complain about my sexy clothes style.  I jumped in the shower and then hid for the rest of the night until I passed out from all of the craziness that is Six Flags. 

 

The cape now adorns the wall of my new cubicle.  Ever since the big move I have a need to put all sorts of weird and funny things at my desk.  I have brought magic to work as well.  My neighbors laugh as I talk on the phone and turn 3 different length strings into 3 same length strings.  Or as I make a handkerchief disappear into my palm.  All while focusing on a phone call.  Good stuff. 

 

It’s pool night tonight.  Drinking night. 

 

Interesting how a title like “Hot girl on girl action!” from yesterday’s post could prompt the most number of hits that my blog has ever seen.  I don’t understand.  It’s like many men out there are looking for porn or something.

Filed under: Blog, beer, free porn, friend, shower, weird, wife, work

cough sneeze

 

 So, as we were on our tropical destination I wrote about how I had gotten sick the night before we left.  The first few days in Key West were filled with me sleeping in and trying to get as much rest as possible so that I could enjoy the night life.  Nothing makes a cold go away faster than 6-7 nice strawberry margaritas. 

Typically when I am sick, there is a no kiss policy between my wife and I.  Jeanne put a hold on that policy while we were on vacation and you will never believe what happened.  It’s the strangest thing, but Jeanne is now sick.  So, I have now transitioned from being the sick one, to taking care of the sick.  I feel bad because if Jeanne has what I had, then it either mutilated into something much scarier, or Jeanne is much not as good as dealing with it as I was.  I think the one big difference was that when I am sick, Nyquil is my best friend. I usually drink enough to put me into a coma for a full day.  Jeanne will not drink it period.  She has to take it in pills.  Two little Nyquil pills are enough to set me sailing for an hour or two.  I usually drink the equivalent of 8 pills worth.  So, needless to say, I feel bad that I gave it to her, but I don’t feel as bad as I would had it been a scenario where she didn’t bring it on herself.  (did that make sense?)  I feel less bad because she took away the rules of no kissing than had it been my call.  I still feel bad. 

I am still in vacation mode.  Two nights ago I stopped to pick up groceries and I made an extra trip down the liquor isle to price out some Tequila.  I don’t drink Tequila, but it tasted damn good in every single Margarita I drank in Key West.  If I had to guestimate, I bet I drank like a thousand Strawberry Margaritas while on our trip.  Not really.  But seriously around 20 would be more realistic.  There was a period that I actually thought that I could start a blog on The Best and Worst places in Key West to have Strawberry Margaritas.  I feel that I am now a professional.  Now, I have to learn how to make them myself.  I have many tools that will be able to do the trick including the greatest known invention to man, “The Magic Bullett.”  This could turn out to be a Strawberry festival type experience where I have to master the art myself. 

Speaking of the Strawberry festival, I have since learned to make authentic lemon shakeups.  After figuring how badly I was screwed on a damn lemon shakeup, I decided to go out and get me the recipe, which in hindsight made me feel a teeny bit retarted.  Here it is in all it’s glory:

LEMON SHAKE-UP
1/2 lemon 1/4 c. sugar 1/2 c. water 1 c. crushed ice Thoroughly juice the lemon half and cut into quarters. Put both fruit and juice into a 16 ounce disposable glass. Add the sugar, water, and crushed ice. Stir drink by pouring back and forth between two glasses several times. Add very cold water to fill glass, then enjoy.

Thanks to my friends at cooks.com for making my dream a reality:http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,194,148175-230203,00.html

So, the first few times I made it, I stuck to the recipe exactly.  After making like a thousand of them (once again an exagerative reference) I now only measure the surgar and go crazy with the rest.  I keep everything I need to make a nice lemon shakeup on the counter at all times, and I have it down to a 45 second art.  Squeeze the lemon (I don’t cut it up, leave it as a half) scoop the sugar, add ice, add water, and pour between two glasses.  Very simple.  Even someone a little slow like myself can create carni-drinks in a jiffy. 

Back to work.  Today is a strange day where it would appear that the sky is falling around me and my comfort zone has taken a serious beating today.  I will fill you in on the details tomorrow. 

Filed under: achy, beer, body, confused, coworker, friend, fun, funny, grouchy, romance, scared, sore, weird, wife, work

Under pressure

I posted earlier this week as to what is going on, so hopefully you all will understand about no posting. 

So, last weekend was a blast.  For once I had a visit with my family that went off without any back woods red neck issues.  Last Saturday I fished from 5:00am until 3:00pm and proceeded to fry all the flesh off of my shoulders, neck and head.  Saturday night I met up with an old best friend from Central Illinois to watch his band perform www.rededmund.com and they were very good.  I was pretty impressed at how well they sounded.  It was nice just to see an old friend.  He didn’t even know I was coming, it was purely by surprise.  I even hid on one side of the bar and asked the waitress to send a beer to his table and say that it was from a guy at the other end of the bar who thought he was “cute”.  She came back and told me that he said I should give him a call at “867-5309″ without even seeing me.   Good stuff.  After many beers, a LaBambas visit and a 30 minute spooky ass backwoods drive back to my grandparents on the lake I arrived at 3:00am.  Can’t say I have ever tip-toed into my grandparents large house before. 

I was woken up Sunday morning at 5:30am by my Dad poking me in the stomach trying to wake me like a little kid on Christmas morning.  He wanted to go fish and I am his fishing buddy.  Forget the fact that I only had 2 hours of sleep, he needed to fish.  So I proceeded to scorch the scorched skin from the day before, but this time I wore lots of clothing.  Ended up catching a total of 45 bass in the two days in the boat.  Biggest weighed in at 4 lbs.  Not a bad outing. 

Highlight of the weekend though was taking my Grandfather on my mothers side out to Pizza with my Mom and Aunt.  I have always remembered my aunt Nancy to be a very unhappy woman. (long story about losing my closes cousin in a housefire) I will tell that one later, but she was incredibly fun to be around.  I can’t honestly say that I usually walk away from spending time with my family wishing to see them again in the future, but this time was just a perfect storm. 

The funniest part of the Fathers day was walking next to the Pizza place to the fresh produce stand and recognizing one of my X-aunts on my fathers side of the family.  She was married to my uncle David (fathers brother) and they divorced many years ago.  I hadn’t seen her since I was probably 8 or 9.  She couldn’t believe that it was me.  She looked like shit.  I heard that she was into Meth and heavy duty drugs and it definitely showed.  She is 10 years younger than my mother but she looks 20 years older.  It was nice to see her although the prospect of having 5 lbs of garden fresh tomatoes, corn, and watermelon was more exciting to me than the encounter. 

This week has been a blur.  Funny things have happened here and there.  I either need to start carrying around a notepad or call my voicemail and leave a message about the funny stuff.  I wanted to talk about the aisle at Walmart on Fathers Day in Pekin, Illinois.  I don’t really have to say too much other than that they should hire a banjo player or maybe dueling banjo’s for that aisle.  I have decided that I will never again attempt to purchase a card for a holiday on the day of the holiday from a central Illinois Walmart.  I wish I would have had a camera. 

Tomorrow is the day of balloons.  I have many events and will attempt my longest day of twisting ever.  www.misterd.balloonhq.com

See you on Monday! 

Filed under: In laws, achy, balloon, confused, dad, friend, fun, funny, grouchy, mean, sleepy, smelly, sore, stink, train wreck, weird, wife, work

Thank God it’s Monday!

Could you ever imagine saying that?  I didn’t think that those words would leave my mouth without being followed with severe laughter but today I am very happy to be back to a normal day. 

This weekend was everything I imagined it would be. 

Friday was full of debauchery during a Neighborhood charity golf outing that allowed me to take the day off of work.  It wasn’t my neighborhood, but I have come to know many people in this neighborhood so I feel as though I am an adopted  neighbor.  The evening ended with the countryclub kicking the group out after we had seriously drank all the liquor they had put aside for “open bar”.  Seriously, though…it was open bar right?  They wouldn’t allow us to do shots, and they had run out of almost everything except hard liquor.  My favorite part of the night was one of the organizers walked up to this guy who was showing chest hair and he grabbed around 30 hairs in one pinch and pulled.  The victim didn’t flinch, but every single guy who witnessed it cringed in agony at what we had seen.  Overall it was a blast and a huge drunkfest.  I played awful golf minus a few brilliant shots with one of them being on the hole for ”closest to the pin” to win that competition,  but that is what you get when you average one golf outing a year. 

The rest of the weekend had one overall theme that I am regretting:  Food.  I ate entirely too much food this weekend.  Too much food at the golf outing, too much food when I took my wife out for dinner on Saturday night, too much food when we took Jeanne’s sister and her hubby out for lunch yesterday to celebrate their anniversary, too much food when I cooked out last night for dinner.  Just too much damned food.  I seriously need to join a gym and work hard for 3 months to lose this stomach.   God played a serious joke on us when he made all good tasting things in life bad for you. 

The funniest part about my dinner date with the wife on Saturday night was the waiter.  He was an older guy probably in his early 50’s.  I called out an ”excuse me, sir!” to let him know that we needed more water.  He stopped back by seconds later to fill the glass and said “My name is Mike! If you needed anything else, call me by name.”  Which I thought was weird since I was trying to be polite.  Around 10 minutes later, he walked up and noticed my water glass was empty again, and said “Need some more water, Big Guy!”  For those that know me, I am a large fellow, but not a “Big Guy.”  I am 6′2″ and weigh in around 230 lbs.  Was his “Big Guy” a way to get back at me for calling him “Sir”?  Or was he purely calling me a fat man?   I couldn’t tell, but the wife was quick to laugh at my facial expression and she did a good job of calming me down.  That was honestly the first time I had ever been referred to as “Big Guy.” 

Yesterday was the first time I had seen my sister-in-law since the great debacle that was Easter.  I was truly grouchy all morning yesterday leading up to us taking them out to lunch.  Jeanne asked several times why I was so crabby, and I didn’t have the courage to say that I was not looking forward to seeing her sister.  For the first time I understood why there would be several years between when I would get to see my cousins when my mother and her siblings would have a drunk laden argument.    Yesterday’s highlight was an argument spawned from Church.  During Mass yesterday, an Indian woman gave the homily and asked all of us to donate to her foundation that allows us to sponsor a child in India…or something like that.  Jeanne wanted to give money and I told her that I would prefer that she did not give our money to that charity.  She looked at me like I was the devil.  We then went on to debate as to why I would prefer that the little we have to donate stay in the United States to help the local children going hungry and the homeless that live on the streets of Chicago.  She and I couldn’t see eye to eye on that one.  I don’t know if I have tunnel vision on this, but that is how I truly feel.  I wonder if others feel the same way. 

I have gone on enough, have a great Monday!

Filed under: Church, balloon, beer, confused, friend, fun, grouchy, mean, romance, weird, wife