Non Labor Day weekend

Not much time to put anything up today, but it’s the friday of a three day weekend and while that would usually have me skipping and doing cart wheels, I find myself scared as shit since my wife will be having surgery today.  I mentioned this before, but for the first time in all of our 8 year history together, one of us is going to be having surgery.  It’s not me.  I would honestly feel better about this whole thing if it were me since I wouldn’t have the ability of being the brave one, but I have to sit back and watch her be brave and I am still preparing my “brave face” game plan.  I am scared, I shouldn’t be.  I guess it’s human nature to be frightened any time your best friend and the person on this earth that you care for more than any other has to be taken to unconsciousness for any length of time.  I am sure that this isn’t going to be the last time this happens to one of us, but that doesn’t help me get through the first.

So, today I am looking for some humor.  It’s days like this that I am extra observant for something that I might not normally notice that will put a smile on my face.  Almost one week until my unhealthy obsession with the NFL begins and it is starting off in a sublime fashion.  Tomorrow night will be my fourth of five total fantasy football drafts and I am finding it difficult to even get excited for that until later tonight when the doctors get me the “all clear” message. 

As an adult I am still trying to wrap my head around the concept of Labor Day.  Most national holidays have a reason for the celebration, but not really Labor Day.  It’s a day of laziness.  We owe a big thanks to the Central Labor Union who in 1882 decided on that day that they just didn’t want to work, therefore they called it “Labor Day”.  Doesn’t make sense does it.  I vote that we rename it “Non Labor Day” or “Lazy Day”.  Oh those wacky Union guys.  They must have had some mad pull with Congress to make Labor day a federal holiday. 

In not so Debbie Downer news I haven’t followed up on my garden experiment in a while and in an interesting turn of events, it turns out I am not that bad of a gardener.  I think when I picked out the plants, that I must have picked a couple out of the “iron plant” section because in all of my traveling this summer and my craziness that led to a lack of hydration, I managed to be a week away from a crap load of veggies.  In all I began with roughly 80 plants total.  I don’t have exact numbers, but I planted tomato, cucumber, jalapeno, cilantro, radishes, and onions.  My rough investment was around 40.00 total for this deck top gardening experiment.  As of right now, I am down to like 6 tomato plants and 4 cucumber plants.  The rest had succumbed to my busy lifestyle and the fact that it had rained so much while we were out of town that when I arrived home everything was virtually under 6 inches of water.  That was the big killer.  Not my lack of hydration skill, but the fact that I forgot to  punch holes in the bottom of the damn storage containers thinking that if I didn’t, it would allow what water I did provide to stay in longer.  Big mistake number one.  That would easily be my greatest lesson learned. 

So, as of right now I have around 40 tomatoes nearly fully grown and roughly 60 cucumbers well on their way.  I don’t know what I am going to do with all of those cucumbers.  I am thinking of the many things you can use cucumbers for and if the bags under my eyes begin to disappear, know that it is not because I am getting two additional hours of sleep each night. 

My wife’s surgery calls for her to have someone with her for twenty four hours after the surgery and in typical balloon guy fashion I have a ridiculous schedule tomorrow.  I will be the featured entertainment tomorrow at the Main Street Market in downtown Roselle from 9am til noon.  www.iloveballoonanimals.com Then I have two other events I have been booked for throughout the day leading up to my fantasy football draft tomorrow night.  Instead of doing the draft in person, I will be doing it over the internet, which is a small price to pay for everything the wifey is going through.  Then my weekend begins on Sunday and Monday and it will be pretty low key. 

Happy Non Labor Day weekend!

Filed under: Friday guy, Gardeny goodness, balloon, fantasy, romance, sadness, scared, weekend, weird, wife, work

Quick update

I will equate this morning’s meeting to a shot in the ass.  It hurts for a moment and then as the needle is removed, there is only a slight sting, but after an hour all that’s left is the memory of the slightest pain. 

Lately I have been trying to learn to shut my mouth when I do not agree with something.  I haven’t been doing very good with that lately but this morning I managed to keep my mouth shut for a solid 45 minutes, which in my world is like a day.  But I do appreciate a manager that can make his point while keeping the meeting light hearted and humorous.  That takes skill if you ask me and when I decide to make the jump to  sales management I will remember that. Anyone can scream.  Sometimes screaming is necessary.  But when you can clinch your jaw and explain how upset you are while cracking a joke, you are a true pro.  I don’t do enough jaw clenching.  I think my head is too fat anyway.  You can’t really tell. It looks more like I am chewing anything than getting angry.  Now, if I throw in a noseflare with the jaw clench, then I have to admit, I look a little scary. 

(I just spent one minute looking into mirrors at my desk clinching my jaw and flaring my nostrils.) 

This morning’s meeting led me to fall off the roid rage juice wagon. I never publicly announce when I go on a diet, but my team has come to know me as an energy drink junkie.  I am the resident energy drink geek and I haven’t been seen with one in my hand for over a month.  So, on the way to the meeting I just happened to crack open on of my left over Sobe NoFear doubledown cans and half of my team proceeded to ask me when I got back on the juice.  My response? 

Happy Friday!

Filed under: Friday guy, Roid Rage juice, confused, pain, work

stormy morning

 

This early morning post is brought to you by the fear of my Friday morning meeting.  This morning my team will have it’s weekly Friday gathering and the boss has been out for 2 days and we as a team are anticipating an ass chewing.  Not that the reason for the ass chewing is our fault, but something seriously bad happened and our boss is not an “ass chewer” per se, but he is good at getting his point across when he is not happy.  I can’t post the details for fear of being on the receiving end of the infamous escort out of my building. Where I work, if you F-up, there is not a “gather your things” or a “you have 2 hours to get  your stuff and leave”.  I have heard rumors that a smoke or fog like mist will begin to appear near your desk and then a grim reaper accompanied by HR shows up and they ask you to stand up and step away from the computer.  They immediately ask you to follow them where they escort you out of the building and that is that.  I have heard that there is little in the explanation of why you lost your job, or that you even lost your job.  Within a week you receive a box with anything at your desk that they feel was yours before you started working in this place.  All the chochkies and vendor gifts are kept and you only receive anything that you paid for or bought on your own. (and sometimes that doesn’t even happen)  Which as I sit and look around my desk, I have a lot of cool little shit that I might want to put in a bad and take out of here just in case that would ever happen.  I would hate to receive my box and not receive my mini football.  Or my magnetized pen.  Or my neon hawaiian cup that has a light built into the bottom that is actually something you would never use to consume a liquidy beverage without having someone with bigger balls than you to do it first.  Or my surround sound style side view and rear view mirrors that adorn my dual 19″ monitors that I work off of.  Or my magic 8 ball.  Or my stack of vendor notepads that grows exponentially higher with each passing of a vendor.  Don’t they know that when they take an 81/2 X 11 paper and monopolize 70% of the total writing space with shit that I will never reference that the notepad has become 70% less usable? Oh, and I wouldn’t want to lose my red swingline vendor logo’d staper.  I’ll burn the building down.  Or my beach in a bottle.  Sand, seashell, little folding beach chair, little drink umbrella, and a message in the bottle that was left for a promotion that expired at least a year and a half ago.  Ahh…looking at that little bottle during the day brings the taste of a corona to my mouth. 

Wow. I actually blacked out there for 5 minutes and just kept typing while looking around at my desk. 

I noticed that my wife hasn’t ”installed” the new automobile floor mats she bought months ago.  So we needed to have a little talk this morning about what was causing her to not put her new floor mats into her vehicle.  The funny part about my saying we need to have a little chat is that I bought new floor mats for my car like 6 months ago and I have not installed mine either.  So our little talk wasn’t so much as saying that she needed to do it as it was more a “why?” aimed at the both of us.  I believe that after driving our cars for so many years (8 for her and 7 for me) that we have become emotionally attached to the carpet.  She and I both know that our floor mats are gross and need to be replaced.  She thinks the reason we don’t do it is the same reason that our home improvement list is as long today as it was over a year ago when we moved into our new home.  I might agree…but I still believe the attachment plays into it somehow. 

Big weekend ahead.  Tonight my wife is going to see Rascall Flatts (country group).  

Yikes!  It’s only 7:30 and I just overheard my first “It’s Friday!” in the office.  Nice.  I think I will track the number of times I hear that today.  I would put the over under at 23.  The Friday guys are back!

Back to the country concert.  My wife is going with her sister, her childhood best friend, her sisters childhood best friend and two other friends.   6 girls for those of you that lost 5 fingers in a freak accident of some sort.  (hey, I’m here for you!)  My wife asked me late last night that if her sister doesn’t go because she isn’t feeling well, would I llike to go?

Me and 5 women at a boy band country concert.  No thanks.  Maybe if I did go that I could sport some chaps of some sort and maybe a black mesh see through tank top. (great image, I know!) 

Tomorrow I will man up and attend the 6th annual Drinking Olympics.  Something about the words drinking and olympics being brought together put a smile on my face.  Tomorrow’s theme (each year we have a theme) is B list celebrities.  I still haven’t decided which B list celebrity I will go as.  I was thinking maybe hulk hogan since he has a reality show, or maybe even  Larry the Cable guy.  Who knows? 

Pumpkin picking, Halloween costume shopping, church, and Football should pretty much wrap up my weekend nicely.  Have a great Friday and I hope to post again from this desk again someday. 

Filed under: Church, Friday guy, Gay, beer, grouchy, mean, scared, stupid, train wreck, weird

It’s Friday!

So, lately I have been finding myself really looking forward to Friday’s.  But not for the typical reasons.  Most look forward to Friday because it is the eve of the weekend.  The day before you get to do whatever you want without the wicked big brother watching down on you.  Not for me though…I have been looking forward to Fridays for the weekly appearance of the “Hey it’s Friday!” guy. 

I don’t know why the weekly emergence of the Friday guy makes me so happy.  I think it stems from this being one of the quirks of working in a corporate environment.  One of my favorite shows is the office because it hits the funny aspects of corporate america life.  I can relate to the debauchery and ridiculousness of the show becuase it is my every work day. 

So, every Friday there is this guy who begins every conversation with everyone he encounters with “Hey! It’s Friday!”  This is the same person that will start on Wednesday asking you what your plans are for the weekend.  He asks, but doesn’t really care.  I figured this out the third time he asked me multiple times on Wed, Thurs, and Friday about what I was doing that weekend after I told him already.  So, when this happens  now, I will change up my story to see if it messes with him mentally. 

Lately, I have been trying to beat him to the punch just to F with him.  Any time someone comes around and I know it is someone who has not been greeted by Friday Guy, I will chime in quickly “It’s Friday…what ya got planned for the weekend?”  I steal his thunder.  I don’t know if he has caught on that I am screwing with him or not.  I don’t really care.

I laugh because even on the phone with his clients I will over hear him starting conversations with  ”It’s Friday…” 

Funny story from last night.  Every Thursday I play 8-ball in an 8-ball league.  The location is close to where I live in the far northwestern suburbs of Chicago.  We are lucky in that the smoking witch hunt has not traveled so far yet, and smoking indoors is still allowed up where we are.  Anyway, last night while I was warming up for my matches, I overheard a funny voice.  I recognized this funny sounding voice from one of my favorite television shows, My name is earl.  There is this guy who has some sort of voice cancer and has to put a little voicebox to his throat in able for anyone to hear his robot sounding voice.  Anyway, as I was shooting last night I overheard this robot sounding voice.  So, I looked over and saw this little old lady toking on a cigarette and talking.  She had this device pressed against her throat so that it could broadcast the sounds that her throat was making.  It was the first time I had ever seen a voice box in action and I have to say that I busted a nut laughing every time I heard the robotic voice.  I felt bad for the lady, but to see her there visibly (& audibly) suffering from what has to be some sort of throat cancer caused by a lifetime of smoking 2-3 packs of smokes a day still tokin on a cigarette was down right comical.  I might add distracting to comical.  You try sinking a full table length shot on a 8-ball to win a game with Mrs. Roboto vibrating in your ear.  I don’t recommend it.  I am also angry now because I have wasted a small chunk of my life trying to find out what the hell that device is called that makes you sound like a robot.  Is it wrong for me to want one even if I don’t suffer from the ailment?  I don’t think so.  If anyone knows what the hell that little device is called, let me know. 

Filed under: Friday guy, billiard, confused, coworker, friend, fun, funny, grouchy, mean, weird, work