Top 5 reasons that I can not win a top 5 blogging competition!

I just flipped over to my main man’s blog (www.stupidtom.com) and saw that he has entered this competition and found much humor in his post.  In it, he has motivated me to action.  I have only been blogging now for a month and a half now, and I am as close to being addicted as it gets.  So, on that note, I thought I would compete for the sake of getting my toes wet in this whole “blogging competition thingy”.  Do I expect to win?  Shizer no!  But, I will probably learn a thing or two while I explore why blogging is fun in the first place and why I suck compared to so many who do this with a serious purpose. 

5. As I mentioned, I am new to this and I haven’t even uncovered the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my blogging ability.  It’s kind of like a Star Wars jedi thing.  I am nothing but a young Aniken who is busy working on robots for my slave owner until I become noticed and led to learn the secrets of the Blogging Jedi Masters.  Then I will turn evil and move to a very dark theme for my blog page like many others. 

4. My blogs have no purpose.  I just like to ramble on like a homeless man who is on a 9 month bender.  This morning I contemplated blogging on the fact that my wife and I now buy bottled water because we are too lazy to fill our water bottles by the slow pouring nozzle on our frigerator.  Without a purpose, readers only gain the knowledge of how ridiculously retarded my life is. 

3. I think I read somewhere on the rules for this competition that entries written by crazy balloon twisters (www.misterd.balloonhq.com)  with Mad Cow disease would not be accepted… (http://dennismitchell.wordpress.com/tag/blood/)

2. Good things do not happen to good people.  I have come to this realization in life.  You have to be old and live on a farm or work for a manufacturing plant and drive a Harley to win the lotto.  (or just play) Which, those two classes of people describe the majority of those who do spend money on the lottery.  I am sure some evil, wicked, man who has just finished pushing an old lady to the floor after calling her fat will win this goofy thing. 

1.  One of the comments was to “Feel free to put your post in your own first language.”  Which to me,  pretty much announces truly how stupid I am.  If someone who speaks multiple languages is entering, I am pretty sure they possess way more knowlege about many things, much less blogging.  Once I read that suggestion, the theme of my entry was clearly obvious.  If only I would have paid attention during the 4 years of spanish during high school I would have a much better chance of winning.  “como esta?”  “muy bien”  “Y tu”  “tu papa vive en la casa de caca?”  Sorry, but that is as far as my secondary languages go.  I’m pretty much screwed…

Filed under: Blog, Blood, Pee, balloon, confused, excuse, fart, french, friend, fun, funny, grouchy, latex, mad cow, mean, pain, poop, scared, sleepy, smelly, stink, weird, wife, work

Mix Master Stink

So the good news is I was able to make it through the day yesterday without having to leave the office prematurely.  That is good news!  Even better news is that the stink offender has chosen not to wear the new scent in today, so I am wondering if it was a one time occurence, or will it make a cameo appearance every other week or so. My brain is thankful today that it does not have work as hard to overpower angry thoughts to actually try and accomplish something related to work.  But now this mystery smell has me contemplating if I was on to something with the girlfriend idea or if it might have been something else.  This is kind of messing with my mind now because I don’t know what is worst.  The stench or not knowing why it was worn. 

I could just cut to the chase and end this all right now by turning to the perp and asking him straight up, “Why did you smell like a French whore yesterday?”  But what fun is that? 

I would much rather wonder as to the reason, and maybe even create a self gambling pool with odds and everything.  Kinda like the show Lost and the smoke monster.  You wanna know what it is, but you don’t.  You gotta know, but it would ruin it.  You see, creativity in my mind is much more fun than reality.  I will blame this on the bad meat long ago from that Army Base I was born on in Germany.  Maybe the first sign of Mad Cow?  

Off the subject, I have become known amongst my closer friends as Mad Cow.  This is becoming a nickname amongst my pool hall buddies and I don’t know what to think about that.  Of all the nicknames you can have in a pool hall, I don’t know if Mad Cow is the one I would have chosen.  I envision actually making it onto ESPN some day to play in a championship for a pool tournament and being introduced as Dennis “The Mad Cow” Scott.  If you didn’t know this, I am a pretty big pool player.  That will be a later story. 

Back to the unsolved mystery…

I think that more than likely the smell was left over from a passionate evening with some lady friend who bought him a bottle.  So, I will put heavy odds on that.  When we meet a woman, they want to instantly tag us with whatever smell they like.  This dates back to when men and women would go around peeing on things to mark their territory.  What a world it would be if that was still a common practice.  Maybe this woman knows how bad the smell is and has him wear it so that no other woman will come close.  What else could it be…hmmm….?

He is a pretty big car buff. He likes to detail his cars so there could have been a crazed automobile air freshener incident.  I don’t want to expand on this, but I am having some funny thoughts about this in my mind.  I would not bet heavily on this option, but like in roulette, sometimes you gotta throw a buck on zero just for the hell of it.

Maybe…there was a deviation from the usual schedule of showering in the evening, and a shower took place in the morning.  This could be his normal after shower scent?  50/50 odds on this one. 

Who knows?  But I do know that I will have fun with this one.  I can say now that I will have fun until the day comes again when the smell returns and I have to pull out the sars mask.  I will update as the events unfold…

Filed under: billiard, french, mad cow, smelly, stink, work

Why am I so grouchy?

Today…I am grouchy.  I don’t know why.  I never used to be.  Lately I have been feeling ultra grouchy.  My wife has even asked me why I have been so grouchy.  Today I feel so grouchy that I had to find out what grouchy really meant so that I could maybe talk myself out of feeling grouchy.  In the past year I have become intrigued by wikipedia.  Just enough truth often times blended in with gossip. The perfect mix.  I do not write on it…or post info…although I have contemplated creating a post about me on there and seeing what happens. All the famous people have a page.  I wondered what would happen if I did a page on me?  Would I get an email from the wiki people saying “We have researched you and we feel that you are not important enough to have your own page, therefore we are taking it down!”  Wow, what a sad day that would be.  Anywho, I have severely digressed. 

I typed in “grouchy” to wiki and up comes a sad story about a frenchman named Emmanuel, marquis de Grouchy.  First thing that grabbed my attention was the name Emmanuel.  I don’t know why, but every time I see that name I think of bad late night free soft core porn.  It makes me laugh.  That’s what a childhood of HBO and Skinamax will do to a person.  You gotta love free porn.  Anyway, I was reading this story about this french guy hoping to find a reason as to why I describe my feelings after this guys last name.  It is a long post about the struggles of his life and how he was continually dissed by his countrymen to the extreme of almost being condemned to death.  Now, I don’t know if my description of grouchy comes from his name, but I would imagine that he was feeling a little grouchy about that.  I wonder if they would say “Man you are being Grouchy” to him like people refer to it today.  Kind of like in the movie Kingpin when everyone refers to being “munsoned” to Roy Munson. Good stuff. Weird thing is, after reading about Grouchy’s hardships, I have started to feel better about my little issues that maybe shouldn’t make me feel grouchy after all.  This historical lesson on the origin of grouchy has actually made me feel a little less. 

Filed under: free porn, french, grouchy, wikipedia