I am sick

Thankfully I made it through the weekend as this illness has slowly consumed my head and chest. 

Beginning Friday night thru Sunday night, I twisted balloons on six different occassions for six different events and by the time I got home Sunday night and hit the bed, I was ready for my weekend to begin.  That was at 9:30pm on a Sunday night.  Not much of a weekend for me.  Add to the craziness the fact that I am fighting off what I can only hope is Bronchitis since that would be a lot better than the swine flu and you have yourself one miserable individual. 

Swine Flu?  Seriously?  If I am ever to succumb to some sort of Pandemic I hope to God that it’s not called the Swine Flu.  Cholera.  Typhus.  Malaria.  Ebola.  Anything but the swine flu.  They are now calling it something like N1H1 since the Pork industry is suffering.  What did the people who named this think would happen?  Pork sales would skyrocket?  Hardly.  The only thing related to swine that would not have suffered is if they would have called it the “Bacon Flu”.  Call it McDonalds flu and I would believe that McDonalds sales would decline as well.

On a few different sad notes, the FDA stepped in today and halted all sales for my beloved Hydroxycut product. 

http://www.fda.gov/bbs/topics/NEWS/2009/NEW02006.html

I have been using this product for around 4 years off and on and now the FDA has come out and said that it causes liver damage.  Lawyers right now have to be salivating at the opportunity of a class action suit.  I’m in.  I don’t care who runs the show, count me in.  As if my routine consumption of alcohol isn’t enough for my poor liver, the idiots that created Hydroxycut Hardcore added a toxin that damages it as well.  I’ll take some time off of anything supplemental right now in an attempt to rebuild the relationship I once had with my liver.  What am I going to replace it with anyway?  Crack?  I have compared Hydroxycut Harcore to crack here in the past and I might just have to resort to that.  You don’t see the FDA warning you that crack will ruin your liver do you?  Besides, have you ever seen a fat crack head?  I haven’t. 

What is next to be recalled?  Energy Drinks? Red Bull, Monster, and Sobe are pretty much the same thing only in drink form. Someday maybe the FDA will realize that sugar makes people fat and they will ban all soda.

Danny Gans died today.  That is sad.  He was only 52 and one of Las Vegas’s premier performers.  I never saw him perform, but heard his show was one of the best on the strip.  This is almost as big as someone like Elvis dying in his prime while performing in Vegas…err…wait a minute…

Taking a breather from the twisted balloon twister life that I lead this weekend.  After performing 9 times in the past 7 days, I need a rest!  One of my best friends and his wife are running in a half marathon this weekend down in Indianapolis.  I’m heading down with them after I am done twisting balloons tonight to watch their children (my God children) while they run the marathon.  Two hours with three little ones should be fun.  Then it’s back home to enjoy hopefully a balloon free Sunday. 

Have a wonderful weekend!

Filed under: Crack Cocaine, Roid Rage juice, Vegas, balloon, ride the snake

The sales tactics of an elderly gentleman from behind the counter at a Pet Store.

I love to be sold.  I don’t know what it is, but there’s nothing like encountering a salesperson that is truly good at his craft. 

Being in sales for over 12 years now, it’s not often that I encounter someone that really knocks my socks off.  This past Wednesday evening I encountered a situation where I was “sold” and walked away feeling good about my decision. 

On my way home from work I stopped by the pet store to pick up food for our cats.  Easy enough, right?  Wrong.

We have two cats, and a third on loan from my younger brother while he is away with the Army.  The third cat (Casper) is old and will likely spend her final days on earth with us vs. my little bro.  With that said, these three cats are ridiculous with their diet.  Wet food for all three and some dry food for Casper.  So, as I will filling my cart with cans of cat food, an elderly gentelman walked up to me and made a comment about the amount of cat food I was buying. 

“Geez, how many cats do you have?” 

“Two cats and a third that we are permanently house sitting.”

“My name is Fred, and I am with _______” (I can’t remember the distributor that he mentioned but pointed to the name on his apron)

“Have you ever tried Greenies?” He asked.

“No, what is it?” I replied.

“It’s like crack cocaine for cats.” said the elderly gentleman. 

“Sold!” 

He went on to explain all of these health benefits about treats that will clean cats teeth and how his cats love it and blah blah…blah blah…blah blah.  After the crack coaciane comment I turned into Charlie Brown in the classroom hearing trombone noises as he spoke because I was fixated on the clarification my brain needed that this was truly someone’s grandpa (possibly great grandpa) that just said the word crack cocaine during a sales pitch. 

Seriously though, I learned Wednesday night that you haven’t lived until you have heard a guy bordering the north side of his 80’s reference crack cocaine in his sales spiel.  It was totally worth the 3.00.  Now that I think about it, it provided such fun in my brain that I have contemplated what other fun words would be worth three bucks to hear old people say. 

Here is a link to the site of the product I was sold on.  If the company needs any marketing help, they should bring this guy in, video tape him saying “It’s like crack cocaine for cats” and have that as the welcome flash file to anyone when they go to their site. 

In regards to the product, I have yet to open it.  The last time I bought treats for the cats they tricked me into leaving the container out, and proceeded to eat every single one of them.  Which since these treats aren’t designed for an all you can eat buffet setting, it was followed up of course by my having to clean the carpet at several locations when the cats realized it was a bad idea.  They haven’t had treats since. 

Nice little weekend ahead.  No balloon parties this weekend, which is nice, but I will be heading downstate to celebrate Mother’s Day and my Mom’s Birthday a weekend early since I can’t go down next weekend. 

Happy Friday and have a great weekend!

Filed under: Cats, Crack Cocaine, stupid, vomit, weird