Followup

I am at work today thinking about everything that is going on in my life and it’s really kind of interfering in my productivity.  So, in an attempt to get some stuff off my chest so that I can get back to work, here goes. 

In an update, my brother was released from jail on Monday and the chargest were all downgraded to a misdemeanor.  I was relieved to hear that because he is not likely to lose his job or see any jail time. 

I can’t stand it when people drop the ball.  All I will say about this is I got screwed by a few different people this week regarding a church event I am hosting and I don’t have a short term memory. 

There.  I said some things and got them off my chest.  I have so much more to say, but I have to refrain at this juncture of time.  I don’t know if this achieved what I wanted it to since I still have 100 things rattling around my brain.  Back to the hamster wheel.

Filed under: Church, asspain, train wreck

Wow

It’s been 10 days since I last posted.  I blame it on a few different things. 

1. My new iPhone.  I will confess my love in the second half of this post.

2. Twitter.  I am in the early phases of testing this technology as something that I want to utilize in marketing my balloon art business (www.iloveballoonanimals.com if you have no idea what I am talking about)

3. Church overcommitment. 

But first, a quick tale about my brother.  He turned 37 on Saturday.  I called to wish him a happy birthday.  He was at the bar playing darts and drinking at 8:30pm when I called to wish him a happy b’day.  I spoke with him again around 10:00pm and he seemed fine.  I received a call from my mother at 10:00am Sunday morning informing me that my brother was in jail.  He apparently went to his wife’s apartment (they are currently seperated) and in a drunken stupor essentially knocked on the wrong apartment door and proceeded to barge into the wrong apartment.  Then when police arrived he decided that his 3rd degree blackbelt status would come in handy.  When all of that was done he thought it would be fun to break out of the cop car.  All of this netted him a two day trip to county jail where today he will stand before a judge to hear how much money he has to come up with to post bail.  They have no money.  He was arrested for breaking and entering, assaulting a police officer, and resisting arrest.  In addition to this incident my money is on the fact that he loses his job when they find out.  My sister in law spoke with him the morning after the incident and he basically told her that he didn’t remember anything really about the night up until the moment he was tasered. 

I have been praying for my brother since this incident.  I bet he never forgets this birthday.  Since he is only 4 years older than me, I have partied hard with him many a nights in college and I can’t say I ever saw him this out of control.   This incident has kind of put my own alcohol consumption and decision making into perspective. 

Twitter:  If you are on twitter and want to join me, I can be found here

Church overcommitment:  Someone came up to me two years ago and thought that a fall fest or Oktoberfest would be a great idea.  So the ball got rolling and we finally are having our first church Oktoberfest.  The only problem is that I think I and a very small group of people are the only ones on board.  The event is this upcoming Sunday and while I have lined up an awesome band, ridiculously awesome beer that will be served in 32oz mugs, great german food, and things for the kids to do, I don’t see a good turnout coming.  With less than a combination of 200 adults/children we will lose a good chunk of change.  For the record, this will be the last new event I run at church for a very long time. 

iPhone:   My love for this device can be summed up by a story from yesterday.  I was booked to entertain during a birthday party in a forrest preserve near the Wisconsin border. (literally in the middle of no where) The Chicago Bears game started at 3:00pm and I arrived at 4:45 and entertained until around 5:45pm.  While I was putting my equipment away, I pulled out my iPhone and fired up the Directv Superfan App that allows me to watch live football on my phone.  I clicked “Watch Live” on the bears game and sat my phone down waiting for the game to begin running.  Moments later, it was time to sing Happy birthday and I walked away from the phone to join in on the celebration.  I was talking with a few of the parents for a few moments and then noticed that a large group of guys were hovering around my stuff on the other side of the picnic shelter.  I walked over and realized that all of the men had found my phone lying on the picnic table and were watching the end of the bears game.  I laughed as soon as I saw what they were watching and was bombarded with 20 questions as to how on earth I could watch a Bears game live on my cellphone.  If I had a box of iphones and directv contracts I could have sold them together for 1000.00 a piece to each of the fathers that were miffed about missing the bears game for a childrens birthday party.   After nearly cancelling my Sunday ticket package from Directv, I have been sold 10 times over with the new addition of my iphone.  Since I entertain on almost every Sunday, this is now my only way to catch the NFL while entertaining.  It’s an expensive set up with 430.00 for the new 32GB 3GS  with accessories and 400 for the sunday ticket w/Superfan (which I negotiated down to 250 for everything).  But at that moment when all the dads stood in awe of technology, every penny was worth it. 

Sorry for the long post.  It’s 12:3o right now and I have to believe that my brother could be finding out any time now how much money he needs to pay to get out of the clink.  I think i’ll call his cellphone and tell him that I love him since he could probably use some love right about now.

Filed under: Birthday, Brother, Church, Overcommitment, balloon, drunk, iPhone, peer pressure

Rough weekend

On friday I was freaking out and with good reason.  Over Commitment is a good friend of mine and he comes over from time to time.  More than what I would prefer actually. 

I am glad to say that I survived this past weekend’s festivities.  I would say that I am a better man for it, but I don’t think that is true. 

The challenge:  Twist a 9 foot tall sculpture out of balloons that in some way resembles the Leaning Tower of Pisa.  Start at 10pm on Friday night and finish by 9am Saturday morning.  Also, go to church, create 3 link o loon balloon arches and 40 clusters of balloons for centerpieces. 

The result:  Success.  I twisted the Leaning tower and finished it around 6:30 am committing 8 and one half hours on one balloon sculpture.  When I was finished, I had a surreal moment when I realized that it wouldn’t fit in my car.  How on earth was I getting that thing from Round Lake down to Arlington Heights. It didn’t fit in my car, but did fit into my wife’s SUV.  That was a scary moment when I realized that I might have to strap a 9 foot tall balloon creation to the top of my little car to deliver it. 

As for the clusters, that was realitively simple.  Several women from the church were there already to help decorate and they inflated the clusters and tied them while I worked on the arches.  I did three Link o Loon arches, one with red, white and green, and two others green and red only.  This was my first time ever working with Link o Loons from Betallex and I have to say that I was unimpressed.  They kept popping or would have holes near the nozzles.  I have worked with balloons for 19 years and this was my least favorite balloon to work with in all that time.  When I left the event at noon between when I arrived back at the event, the link o loon arches contracted.  We had weighted them down to two support beams at the arc we needed.  When I arrived back at the event at 4:30pm, the arches had lowered and gotten smaller in distance from end to end.  I don’t know why that is, but each balloon had lost it’s size. 

Before the event, we were concerned that the arches would fall and even used some clear line to tie it to the ceiling in the event that the arch failed during the dance.  Is this common for Link o Loons filled with helium?   I have no idea.  I do know that unless I go through some training with betallex between now and my next decor job, I’ll stick with Qualatex.  As a balloon twister I do see lots of good things that I can use the link o loon balloons for in my twisted sculptures, however.  I did even use a few of them on Sunday at a birthday party while I entertained. 

On a funny note, around noon at the church, we realized that our disco ball that was in storage had disappeared.  I went from finishing the balloon decor to driving around trying to find someone in the northwest Chicago suburbs that sold a disco ball.  The first few party stores I visited with didn’t have them.  Luckly from my childhood I remembered that Spencer’s gifts usually had crazy stuff like that, so I went to the mall.  They had one in stock and it was mine.   A Full sized one, too.  Instead of storing it at the church, i’m taking it home with me and might even find some use for it around my house.  I might hang it above the turtle tank and turn the turtle light towards the disco ball giving Bruno (the turtle) a fun environment.  Can spinning lights make a turtle sick?  I would me if I had to look at it all day. 

By 8:00pm Saturday night, I was on a total of 4 hours of sleep on Thursday and zero hour of sleep on Friday, so I was mentally done.  I stopped by a friends housewarming party on the way home and was fast asleep around 11:00pm.   

Sunday I entertained for a party and that was a whole different craziness.  In all I inflated more than 1000 balloons (round and entertainer) and my hands are desperately in need of a massage/manicure.  I hesitate to say manicure because I am a man and it’s not my fingernails that need the attention so much as the joints.  My right elbow is very sore as well from using a pump on all those damn balloons.  I need some sort of inflater soon since I have been taking on larger jobs lately.  Photos to follow soon. 

My little brother’s wedding is this upcoming Friday.  I’ll post about that later.  Have a great week!

Filed under: Church, Overcommitment, balloon, pain, peer pressure, weekend

I have bitten off way more than I can chew…

Under promise and over deliver.  That’s a phrase that I have heard thousands of times in my life as a sales professional.  I have tried to adopt that saying for my balloon business and feel as though I have followed it pretty well thus far. 

Until now. 

I use my church as kind of a business lab of sorts.  I am a balloon twister that likes to do a little dabbling in balloon decor.  I wouldn’t likely take on a huge balloon decor job yet since I have very little experience, but for some reason each year during our church appreciation dinner, I feel the need to continually expand my offerings to see how far I can go.   A test of my own ability if you will.  I think I may have found out the extent of my own ability this week. 

This year’s theme for the church appreciation dinner is “A night in Venice”.  Italian themed.  Pasta, strolling violinist, DJ, lots of Chianti and assorted wines, and Italian decor.  Red, Green, and White.  I will be creating my first link o loon balloon arch, roughly 40 balloon clusters, and as a complete sign of my insanity, I promised to twist an 8 foot tall leaning tower of Pisa.  The arch will be my second arch ever.  No biggie.  Fill helium link o loons, tie them together in the color scheme needed and anchor them down.  Should be a piece of cake.  The 40 or so balloon clusters to be placed all around the room?  Another simple request.  But the 8 foot tall leaning tower of Pisa?  Yep, that is a toughie. 

If you are not a balloon twister, you might not be able to grasp what I am about to say, but to weave anything out of balloons for 9 feet in height with a circumference of around two and a half feet, you have to be insane.  I started last night at around 10pm and twisted until around 1am and I am not even above the 5 foot threshold.  I still have another four feet to finish tonight after I get home from twisting at my normal restaurant appearance.  Not only that, but once I finish the 9 feet, then I actually have to go back and create the columns so that it remotely will look like the leaning tower.  What have I done?  By the time I start tonight when I get home it won’t be until 9pm.  I’m easily looking at an all nighter tonight and then will be dragging my ass into church in the morning to continue the build and also to inflate the balloons for the arch, assemble the arch, infate for the clusters, tie the strings, and at that point try and catch a second wind so that I am actually able to enjoy the dinner that I am decorating for. 

Under promise and over deliver.  Whatever it takes, right?  I have doubts as to whether I will actually pull this off or not.  Even if I do, I have a strange feeling that I will end up leaving the event at some point early on to go home and get some sleep since I am scheduled to entertain at two different parties the following day. 

Ay Carumba.  This wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to sit behind a computer at my day job wishing I was at home twisting that tower giving myself time to ensure that it truly does look like something I actually want to attach my name to.  Shame on my for pushing myself to the limit.  I will chalk this up as a lesson learned and remember next time someone asks me if I can twist something large scale to respond with a “no hablo english”.  

Hopefully I will be sticking with the under promise and over deliver vs. the over promise and under deliver path that I am currently on. 

Stay tuned…

Filed under: Church, Overcommitment, balloon, work

The Lobster Zone

So last night I am in a church meeting.  One of my favorite things about our church meeting is that we have a longstanding ritual that several of the guys from our team go out to the local bar after the meeting to enjoy a few frosty beverages.  I arrived at our regular hangout and found a table that would work for the six or seven of us expected to arrive shortly.  The Cubs are playing the Astros.  They are up 6 to 3 in the bottom of the eighth inning.  As I glance up at the flat screen display to watch Carlos Marmol lock down the bottom of the 8^th for the Cubs something bright red catches my eye in the game area of the bar.  I look down and to my surprise, it appears to be a large red aquarium.  “What’s an aquarium doing in a place like this” I wondered.  So I stood up and walked over.  As I got within reach of this bright red aquarium, my jaw drops as I realize that this is an aquarium full of lobsters.  Dangling above the lobsters is a large white claw.  I suddenly realize that this isn’t any normal aquarium full of lobsters.  This actually is a game.  Across the top of this game is the phrase “The Lobster Zone”.

The rest of my friends show up and apparently several of them have given it a go without success.  I was told that one of them was able to grasp onto the claw but not surprisingly a lobster isn’t too excited to have some big plastic claw grab onto it and it proceeded to freak out allowing it to escape the jaws of darkness. 

I don’t know why, but I have been thinking about this stupid machine ever since I left the bar last night.  A few interesting nuggets that are bouncing around my brain about the lobster zone. 

1. The lobster zone saved my friends turtles.  While looking at the machine I suddenly realized that my friend had asked me to feed his pet turtles while he took his family to Disney.  I was supposed to feed them on Tuesday.  The lobster zone reminded me on Wednesday night at around 10:00pm.  I left the bar early to go to his house to see if the turtles were still alive, and lucky for me they were.  If it weren’t for the lobster zone, I might have killed my friends turtles by forgetting to feed them for a whole week. 
2. Most of those games in the arcade area of any bar are purely glorified babysitters.  I should know, most of my childhood was spent playing video games in bars.  Any child of parents that are alcoholics know that it only takes a little whining to get a handful of dollar bills to spend while mommy and daddy get wasted.  Nothing kills a parental buzz more than a child that is bored at a bar.  With that in mind, if that game was in any of the bars my parents hung out in, I would be eating lobster every freaking day.  At that age, no child wants to eat the lobster anyway.  If it were me, at the age of 8 years old, if I caught a lobster, it was going to be my pet and no one would be eating it.  I have to wonder how many times mom and dad have been drinking with their friends, unaware that their little jimmy had entered “The Lobster Zone” and were shocked to see Jimmy walk up holding a lobster in his hands.  If it hasn’t happened yet, it’s bound to. 
3. Where does it end?  Lobsters now, what’s next?  Live bunnies?  Kitties? Gerbils?  I always thought that the worst carnival game in the world was the one where you could throw a ping pong ball into a goldfish bowl to win a gold fish.  Every little kid wants the gold fish and every parent cringes at the thought of having to buy some sort of aquarium and buy food to keep this little fish alive. The fish dies within 5 days (except one that my cousin won and the goldfish lived for like 10 years and grew to be ridiculous in size but that’s a different story) 
4. Where is PETA on this one?  I can’t believe that Lobsters being used as a prize in a game have to be too happy about it.  Any lobster could figure out that when the claw grabs a hold of you, it’s just a matter of going bezerk for a matter of moments to slide out of the claw.  At some point the poor lobsters have to get tired of it and they finally will give up.  For some reason I imagine the claw dropping and grabbing onto one lobster and while it begins lifting every other lobster begins screaming to the caught lobster waiting for it to begin freaking out and drop back down with the rest of them.  The screams end when he doesn’t fight.  The rest of them know that he didn’t have any fight left.  Awkward silence follows as they gasp in the horror…(this might make a great story line for a animated movie) 

 

Stay tuned.  Next time I’m in this bar, I’ll give it a go.  If you have any interest in seeing this machine in action, you can go to www.thelobsterzone.com.  If you go to the photos and video section you can see people playing it and you will understand my fascination.  My fascination with the Lobsterzone now borders my fascination with the McRibb sandwich.

Filed under: Church, The Lobster Zone

Overwhelmed

That is a good word today.  Overwhelmed.  Not with work, but with church crap and it’s killing me.  Somehow I inherited responsibility on a Pancake Breakfast at our church and I am overly pissed because I don’t give a rat’s ass about it.  It’s not mine.  I’m not doing anything for it.  So, as I did nothing and the event neared, the people who used to run it started a smear campaign making it appear to everyone at our church that I am dropping the ball.  This has passed the funny point because I can’t even attend the event, much less run it.  I have even gone to the extent of telling people I don’t have time.  But no one will do it. 

So, here I sit today trying to work while calling Sam’s club and Jewel osco to order 38 gallons of orange juice and 12 gallons of Milk.  I bet you didn’t think obtaining that many gallons of milk and juice could be a difficult thing, did you.  It shouldn’t be.  But for some reason when you call sam’s club and jewel osco the fine people at the customer service desk forward you to the dairy section where you will either get an elderly man that can’t hear you because he’s on the loud sales floor or you get a stocker who has no authority to handle such a complex transaction.  Thanks to the old guy, my entire sales floor now knows that I am in need ot 38 gallons of juice and 12 gallons of milk.  I have had several coworkers stop by asking me what the hell I’m going to do with 38 gallons of juice.  Why can’t I hit two different grocery stores the morning of without preordering?

What sucks even more about this is if I truly did not do anything about this event and let it fall apart, so would my name and reputation at church.  What a mess.  I am so ready to just move to a church where people have no idea who I am and I can be like a normal person and attend Mass and not have to worry about arriving before and staying for several masses to sell Pancake Breakfast tickets.

On a lighter note, I played video games last night online with strangers for the first time.  I would say it was accidental really.  Having only had the Wii set up for two days now, I am still experimenting with it and clicked on one of the Mario Kart options to which it launched a screen and within 1 minute I was racing with strangers from all over the world.  Three hours later it was midnight and time to put it away.  The last time I was this into a video game system must have been well over 15 years ago and I keep waiting for my mother to come busting in the room and screaming at me to finish my homework.  

I don’t know what it is, but by the time I got home last night, I quickly showered, cooked dinner, did the laundry, did the dishes and looked at my wife as if to say “I did my homework, can I play the Wii now?”  It’s sad that something so funny as the Wii can make me feel like a little kid again.  If I wasn’t so lean on vacation hours with our 10 day Christmas trip to Las Vegas and Phoenix coming up for New Years, I would call in sick and play that thing all freaking day.

Filed under: Church, Cry baby, Wii, asspain, grouchy, peer pressure, wife

Did he say fattie?

Last Friday was a most interesting one as the wife and I attended the wedding and reception of a couple from our church.  Typically Friday nights are the night I twist balloons from 6-8:30pm, so this was a refreshing change of pace for me having a Friday night off.  So at the reception we were seated with other people from church including the Priest.  Knowing everyone very well, we had a blast, and actually had probably a bit too much fun because certain people put down their guard and revealed a little too much about themselves in front of us.  The highlight of the reception was walking up to the bar and seeing our church deacon with a big tray of drinks in front of him.  I asked him what he was getting and he looked down at the tray.  I proceeded to ask if he was getting the table glasses of white wine to which he replied, “these are shots”.  After 2 minutes of me calling his bull shit, he arrived back at our table with a round of shots for everyone. 

I will gladly admit that I didn’t get the shot train moving, an ordained chuch member did, but I wasn’t about to let the shot train slow down.  After a few more, the reception was winding down, I hit the jackpot when I mentioned the words “piano bar”.  Apparently the words “piano bar” make tipsy women (my wife included) want to continue drinking to the wee hours of the morning.  I had no idea.   So it was on like donkey kong.  At 11:30 our entire table (minus the priest) ditched the reception and headed down to a piano bar.  I believe our group would have likely been voted “table least likely to continue the party after the reception” if there was such a thing. 

We settled in at the piano bar and appetizers and shots started coming.  We must have crossed someone’s drunk threshold because that is when the guard was dropped.  TMI was the general theme from that point on in the evening, and I could only sit back listening to the train wrecks unfold and reminding myself to just shut up and listen as each was served up with an audible gasp that could be heard after each bomb was dropped.  The bottom fell out when after offering a couple a ride home that had way too much to drink, I was offered a “fattie blunt” as a thank you. Not quite what I had in mind going into the evening. 

Oriental women think I am a movie star.  I don’t know why, because I wasn’t even going to write it down for fear of backlash since I look in now way like a movie star.  Prior to the wedding, my wife wanted to get a manicure and a pedicure.  So I dropped her off.  When I came back to get her I went in and talked to her a few moments when I discovered that she would still be another 30 minutes. I was wearing a pretty sharp dress suit, but nothing fancy beyond that.  I left again to return a half hour later.  As we drove away, my wife told me that the women running the salon wanted to know what I do.  When she asked why, they proceeded to ask if I was a “movie star” to which she said she couldn’t stop laughing for five minutes. 

Staying on the church theme, I had one of the more unusual things happen during Mass yeaterday.  As my wife and I were standing in the back one of the ushers that we knew walked over to us and shook my hand and proceeded to make two fast kiss noises as he moved in on my wife to give her a hug as to say “I’m coming in for a kiss.”  It was the most inappropriate move ever played in a church and had we been outside of the church I would have followed it up with a verbal barrage of “what the hell was that” directly to the kisser.  I am not normally a direct conflict type of guy, but he was way out of line since he left my wife feeling very uncomfortable.  To prevent burning any bridges, I am going to forget that it ever happened unless I am witness to a second occurence in which I am sure God will forgive me for threatening him bodily harm if he ever attempts to lay his lips on my wife again.   As a sidenote, my wife is free to let whatever guy friends she has to kiss her on the cheek.  I kiss wives and girlfriends of my close friends on the cheek.  But I would never do something so bold with a woman I know only through church.  Freak. 

After church we thought it would be a nice day to go pick pumpkins at Goeberts Farm, and I’ll have to dig into that one later since that is a long one in itself and I am out of time.

Filed under: Church, bitchy, creepy, drunk, weekend, weird, wife

Its so hard to say goodbye

Last night after twisting balloons at Red Robin I was talking with my wife.  I got excited at the thought of having nothing on my schedule this Wednesday evening.  Then it hit me that this is the last weekday evening until mid August that I will not have an obligation of some sort.  So, I shall call tonight my overcommitment celebratory evening.  Or, the “I can’t say NO celebration”. 

What to do…what to do.  I plan on going to the gym.  After that I should probably shower and I should fold laundry…but if this is a celebratory evening, how is that celebratory?  It should be a last meal sort of night, so maybe a video game?

For those of you who think that I am exaggerating, here is a peek at what I have commited to since the word NO is rarely heard in my vocabulary. 

Monday:  Church Softball games at 6:00pm followed by a semimandatory trip to the sponsor where libations are forced against my will down my throat.  Church softball is funny.  Grown church men fight.  I have even witnessed twin 45 year old brothers on another church team beat the shit out of each other.  Of all the softball leagues I have ever been in, this Catholic Church 16″ softball league is the farthest from God out of all of them. 

Tuesday:  Gotta pay some bills.  Twisting balloons at Red Robin in Algonquin from 6:00 until 8:00pm.  This is a doozy.  I leave my day job at 4:30, and drive an hour and a half in rush hour every tuesday to twist balloons for many children each night.  It’s not the money I make each evening that makes me happy, but the many birthday parties that I get referrals for since each and every table gets a business card. 

Wednesday:  12″ softball league with friends.  New league this year.  I am most excited about this league since this will be the first time I am on a team with some of my closest and best friends.  It could be great, or it could suck. Only time will tell.  On a side note, I am the starting pitcher for both teams and I am interested to see how badly I pitch in 12″ since the mound is 10 feet farther back vs. the 16″ mound. 

Thursday:  Billiards from 6:00-1:00am  This is a rough one since it usually leads to a hangover for the mandatory 8:00am Friday morning team meeting.  I have been playing pool for many many years and will be heading to Las Vegas in less than two weeks to compete in the US National Championships.  Hopefully I will do well. 

Friday:  Gotta pay more bills. I head off on the same drive to Algonquin to twist balloons at Nero’s Pizza.  I enjoy Nero’s a bit more than Red Robin since there are fewer children and I get to twist for adults as well.  Adding Nero’s to my weekly balloon entertainment lineup has literally doubled the amount of calls I get for private events and is another added step to the promiseland of doing balloons full time and making a decent living while doing it. 

Saturday and Sunday has now become injected with anywhere from 2-5 balloon events now.  Rarely will a weekend come and go where I don’t have some sort of balloon engagement. 

Mix in random church meetings, the occasional Cubs game, and three vacation trips, and you have the making for a ridiculously crazy summer. 

I have been fearing this weekfor some time and it is finally arrived.  I just have to wonder at what point I crack and say enough.  I am really getting excited at the concept of having children.  I have heard from many friends that a great benefit to children is having a reason to say that you can’t do something.  This will be my Ironman summer.  I hope I am up for it.  I put the over under at June 19th for when I hit the wall. 

Filed under: Church, Cry baby, Cubs, Exercise, Overcommitment, excuse, grouchy, peer pressure, train wreck, work

Boring

Well, it’s been almost a week since I put anything up, and I feel bad.  The bottom line is that right now, nothing is going on. 

This, to me would have to be the crappiest time of the year.  I could go on and on about how until yesterday Chicago had only seen the Sun for a total of 13 minutes in the month of February.  I could complain about the non stop cycle of snow, sub zero temps, and rain.  Now the rain is out of the mix and we have four snowfalls all stacked upon each other with another possible 7 inches of fresh stuff on it’s way tonight.  This is a good year for anyone that owns a snowmobile and a snow blower.  But not me.  I hate it.  I love to watch it.  I love to drive in it.  But i’ll take the sun with warmth any day. 

What makes this time of year even crappier is the fact that we are in a black hole of sports.  The Bulls suck.  The Illini basketball team sucks.  The Blackhawks suck.  No football and no baseball….yet.  The Cubs Pitchers and Catchers report in one day and 20 hours.  I can’t wait. 

Today I have implemented a new policy.  I have reintroduced the phrase shut up to my cerebellum and I am now repeating it often.  Lately I have reminded myself that it is better to say to little than too much.  I have been vocally expressing my displeasure a lot lately about many things and it hasn’t yet gotten me in a pickle, but I fear that I have most certainly gotten the ball rolling.  My new self enforced policy will be tested this Wednesday night during a church meeting where my pre ”shut up” philosophy could have picked up the ball and kicked it like a 13 year old in a 8 year old kickball game. 

My lack of verbal control even scared my wife last night to an extreme that made me realize that I should seriously think about what I say before it comes out of my mouth.  I find some of it to be funny, and 99% of what I say is a stupid attempt at humor, but often times is spewed without regard to anything.  So for this week I am attempting to utter nothing that I might perceive to be funny.  It will be hard, (that’s what he said) but I will do my best!   

Have a great week!

Filed under: Church, grouchy, stupid, train wreck, weekend, weird

The storm has passed

Superbowl sunday has come and gone.  I missed the entire first half of the game as well as the first three quarters of the commercials. 

I was hired for an attractive sum of money to entertain more than 20 children for two hours and in hindsight, it was a bad idea.  I truly believed that I would at least have an ear shot or an angle to view the game, but I didn’t.  I was in a large childs bedroom very far away from any television with a room full of children and Moms.  I thought that I might even be able to hear cheering, but the television that was playing the game was in the basement, therefore occasionally I could hear all of the guys cheering loudly about an awesome play.  For every muffled screem that snuck up through the vent in the bedroom, a little tear would form in my right eye. 

It was tough. 

By the time I had been paid and passed out business cards to the raving moms and dads, it was half time and snowing very hard. The usually 45 minute drive in the snow turned into an hour fifteen and by the time I walked into my own house it was the beginning of the fourth quarter.  I listened to the third quarter in my car. 

My only saving grace was that the fourth quarter was the best part of the game.  Had I missed that, I might have been heard crying myself to sleep last night. 

I did manage to make it over to my brother and sister in laws house prior to the game to take in the typical gassy superbowl food.  Chili, dips, and appetisers galore.  That also made missing the superbowl a little less hard. 

I have a new agreement with myself that moving forward I will not accept any balloon party requests during the holiest of football days during the year.  I hope that I remember how I felt about all of this next year when I get that email from someone asking me how much I would charge to entertain a group of children during the superbowl.  I might want to send an email to myself with a future delivery date of January 12th, 2009 with a link to this post so that I can relive exactly how much it sucked for a huge football fan to be twisting a Valentine Racoon for a 4 year old during the SuperBowl. 

Saturday night I entertained for a different group of children and followed it up with a surprise visit with my friend Tom www.stupidtom.com for beers at the local neighborhood hangout The Crave.  (“To the bat crave!” as I have heard Tom refer to it after many a church meetings.)

What do you get when you mix 8 guys with 12 or 13 buckets of beer(6 bottles per bucket)  with 3 other drunk ass idiots that don’t know how to keep their retarted comments to themselves.

A really weird hour of our group all looking at each other wondering who is going to be the first to swing.

A funny moment was overhearing the bartender warn the three dumbasses that even their biggest isn’t as big as our group’s smallest and that they would regret any decision to start something upon seeing all of us stand up from our seated postions.

It also helps to have someone as intimidating as Tom is sitting at your table. 

I never know what is in store for me when I go out with those guys. 

One of the other funnier things that I remember was taking off my shirt in a weird moment to settle a bet between a couple of guys who were arguing over neck sizes that stemmed from some weird sleep apnia debate and then seeing Tom button the shirt around his neck without miraculously popping a button and modeling it as a cape. 

I had a blast Saturday night and all of that came to a screeching halt Sunday morning when my wife became upset that I refused to join her at 6:00am to do things around the house before we left for Church.   A roller coaster of a weekend, if I do say so. 

Happy Monday!

Filed under: Church, In laws, Punch, balloon, beer, fight, train wreck, weekend, weird, wife