Busted Knee

Typically when I go to Las Vegas, the after effects upon my arrival home last maybe a day or two, but never longer.  Maybe longer if I do very poorly at the tables and my wife gives me the cold shoulder  if I lose a good chunk of change.  But never this long. 

This story actually reminded me that I never finished explaining the craziness that was my trip to Vegas over New Years.  I will revisit the story, but for right now I will only touch upon tiny pieces pertinent to the knee. 

2008 sucked in many ways.  When I am older and look back on my life, I can’t say that 2008 will be one of the years I want to rekindle.  2008 must have felt the same about me as I did about it because at 5 minutes to midnight this past NYE, it might as well have kicked me in the groin as a going away gift.  This is what happened…

The wife and I are in Vegas.  On the 30th of December we go out for a nice dinner, back to the hotel room to hang out, and then the wife wants to go to bed around 1:30am Vegas time (which is 3:30am Chicago time so she did good for her first full night in Vegas.)  Not me, though.  As she is ready to drift off to sleep, I am getting some comfy clothes on and getting ready to head down stairs to play some Pai Gow Poker.  8 hours and 20 free Captain and Cokes later, I am drunk and up a good chunk of change.  It’s almost 10am Vegas time and I haven’t had a wink of sleep so I head back up to the room.  For this trip, I decided since it was the wife and I that I would get a suite that offered a large whirlpool tub.  If you have been to Vegas and never had the experience of recovering from an all night terror, I would highly recommend the whirlpool tub.  Three hours in and out of consciousness in the whirlpool was as good as 8 hours of regular sleep.  We get dressed and by 2pm we are out of the hotel on our way to New York New York to buy tickets to Cirque Du Soleil’s Zumanity. 

There are so many aspects of this day that should be in itself a post, but I have to get to midnight and will revisit certain aspects of this day. 

We tried to get tickets to Zumanity, but instead I found myself on a bus going to tour some property call “Tahiti Village” since my wife is a penny pincher.  3 1/2 hours later I am emotionally scarred by the boiler room sales tactics and we have tickets in hand for Zumanity and only one hour to get dressed for the show.  We see the show (totally seperate post as well) and have 45 minutes before midnight on the strip.  Head back to our hotel, change into warm clothes so that we don’t freeze our ass off on the strip, and head down to Las Vegas Boulevard to watch fireworks off the rooftops at roughly fifteen minutes till midnight. 

We are not allowed to walk over Las Vegas Boulevard since the bridges over the road are closed.  We can only exit on the street level which in hindsight was a huge mistake.  As we are greeted by a very large crowd we began to get crushed since no one was moving and everyone continued out the exit.  I decided that we are going to climb over the barrier on to Las Vegas Boulevard since it was closed to traffic.  As I force my way through the crowd with wif e in tow, I climb up the 4 ft tall barrier that has metal spikes mounted on top of it to prevent such a climb.  As I stand up to leap over, my toes catch the metal bar and I am now falling head first 5 feet down towards the pavement.  I catch myself with my hands and my left knee bangs on the ground before I do what had to have been the most ungraceful barrel roll in Las Vegas history.   I jump up to the laughter of many drunk idiots and help my wife climb on the barrier to which I lift her over and walk way with her in my arms.  Trying to be a man, even though I know I haven’t been in this much pain for many many years. 

After we get to an area where we can finally breath, I survey the damage and I have gravel embedded in my palms and blood begins to seep through my jeans where my left knee hit the pavement.  I am pretty sure that either my right wrist is either sprained really badly or fractured.  I look at my watch and at 2 minutes until midnight, 2008 delivered the biggest kick to the groin yet for what was just one shitty year. 

Fast forward now to February 1st 2009.  It’s been more than a month since Vegas and I am mostly healed.  I still have marks on my palms from the fall and there are still signs of a scab on my knee cap.  Whenever I put pressure on my left knee it still hurts pretty bad.  I began to feel my knee and to my surprise I can physically feel that my knee cap has been chipped.  A piece of my kneecap moves on my left knee that doesn’t on my right and it hurts when I touch that one particular spot right on the tip of my knee cap.  So, it’s busted.  Thanks Vegas. 

I am most concerned about the knee since I want to go see someone about it, but fear what they might say.  I am off to Denver in 6 weeks to ski for a bachelor party and the last thing I want to hear is that I need surgery to fix my knee.  But on the other hand, if I don’t go to see someone I am concerned that skiing will make it worse and I might just destroy the thing while skiing.  I don’t really know what to do.  I have two little people on each of my shoulders doing the whole “Go to the doctor” vs “don’t be a pussy” argument thingy in my brain and I don’t know which one to listen to. 

I have more going on in my brain, but no more time, so I will have to share my oriental balloon twisting competition story later.

Filed under: 15885677, 15888541, Blood, Busted Knee, Cry baby, Tahiti Village, Vacation, Vegas, achy, asspain, body, sore, train wreck, weird, wife

Soreness

It’s been almost two full days since we did the Chicago Indoor Racing, and I am sad to admit that I am still sore.  Muscles that I never knew existed are convulsing today.  Did you know that you have a muscle in your stomach below your belly button?  I didn’t, but thanks to Chicago Indoor Racing, I do now! 

For the record, it was a blast.  I just wish that I hadn’t drank so much the night before so that I could have enjoyed the two hours of open bar after the racing.

Out of twenty racers, I qualified for the final 30 lap race and eventually finished 5th.  For a fat guy, that isn’t so bad.  The carts are fast as shit and if I could ever be organized enough to round up 20 friends for a night of fun, it would definitely begin with Chicago Indoor Racing.  What amazes me the most is the technology involved.  You would expect simple go-kart racing that you would get at any old festival or race track.  But these machines are so fine tuned and fast.  While you are not racing you can track what friend is in what cart and their position and how many seconds they are ahead or behind. (runon? Who cares) The coolest part of the whole evening was before I even got out of the racing suit and upstairs to grab my first beer, I was handed a printout that showed my lap splits for all four of my races which highlighted my fastest lap and average lap time.  It also created charts as to what position I began the race vs where I finished, highlighting who I past, or who past me.  Some of our guys had top lap times for the week amongst all racers, which was pretty damn cool. 

After racing we had some incredible food, good drinks, and finished it off with free video games.  I don’t know how much it was per person, but I have to believe that we were around 100.00 per person.  If so, it was so worth it since our team still can’t stop talking about it.  If you ever get a chance to strap yourself in to one of the carts, I recommend it. 

The funniest part of the evening is when you finally decide to leave.  As you walk through the glass door you notice a sign that says “The racing’s now over, be safe as you drive home.” or something to that effect.  I didn’t think about it until I was in my car driving and I had to hold back from cutting corners and swerving around people to get position for the next corner.  

I am looking forward to my next visit. 

After a softball game Monday night, Racing on Tuesday, and another Softball game last night, I am waking like an 80 year old man hoping that it will eventually recover for one of my favorite golf outings of the year tomorrow.

I get to join my dear friend www.stupidtom.com tomorrow for a day of debauchery on the golf course.  My only issue is that I was buttonhooked into twisting balloons at the church ice cream social following the outing, so I have to lay off the hard stuff while I golf.  BoOOOooo.  This outing is traditionally a drunk sprint and I have to wonder how much fun I will have while sipping on a can of beer the whole afternoon.  Oh well.  I can’t recall the exact saying but i’m thinking that a sober day at the golf course beats a drunk day at work…or something like that. 

Filed under: Car, Fatty, Racing, alli, balloon, beer, body, drunk, pain, sore, weird, work

Blah, Blah, Blah…

I hate to say it, but life right now is about as boring as it gets.  I would classify it as the calm before the storm. 

I fell hard off my “ride the snake” bandwagon.  I was still eating somewhat healthy, but since I got back from my trip to Vegas I haven’t been nearly as motivated as I was prior to.  I jumped back on this week and am going at it harder than before.  I started the second phase of my supplemental campaign and started taking Creatine in addition to Hydroxycut and Meal replacement drinks.  I am beginning to survive solely on liquids and the weird thing about it all is that I am never really hungry any more.  Here is a snapshot of my food for yesterday, and I feel gay talking about this because the bottom line is that this new diet is about as unmanly as it gets. 

Breakfast:  half a cup of low fat yogurt.  Yep, I said it, LOW FAT yogurt.  WTF you say?  Me too.  For three months I was eating regular yogurt.  Then I asked my wife to pick up my usual two vats full of yogurt a week, and she came home with low fat yogurt.  It tastes a little like yogurt, but not.  If I can enter a weird moment with you, I would classify it as tasteless spooge.  If served warm I would have to question my sexuality.  I still do while I eat it anyway…

I take Hydroxycut Hardcore and fishoil with breakfast. 

Around 10am I will have half of a meal replacement shake.

Around noon, I will have the other half of the meal replacement shake.  I also will take the creatine at this point. 

Around 4 I take my second hydroxycut and fish oil for the day in prep for either the gym or twisting balloons for the evening. 

If I get to the gym, I will get a health shake for dinnner post workout. 

When I get home I take my second dosage of creatine. 

That’s it.  That is what enters my body on a daily basis other than the a standard meal here or there when I get to sit down with my wife which isn’t that often.  This lifestyle was so hard at first, since my true love in life was to eat good food.  And good food is anything that is bad for you.  But, my body has grown used to the fact that I can’t do that any longer. 

Last night at the gym, I was on an eliptical machine next to a guy that smelled like a bag of asses.  Just thought I would put that out there.  I have to begin scrutinizing who I get on a machine next to because I seriously at one point put the towel over my nose and pretended to wipe my face for a good 10 minutes to complete my workout.  In all seriousness, the smell was as if he had sweat for two days straight without using any sort of deodorant, combined with crapping his pants while he worked out.  I thought about it for a good minute that thought that I should have earned a metal for staying next to him for as long as I did, and I will remember that guy in the future to save my lungs from breathing in the wretched stench that this guy emitted. 

On a final gym note, there is a total tranny that works out at my gym.  It’s great.  He/she has hair like a woman, wears makeup like a woman, dresses like a woman, has fake boobs like a woman, but has a weiner.  He/she is ripped, too.  In better shape than 90 percent in the gym.  What amazed me most was that He/she was wearing spandex that explicitly drew attention to his package.  I honestly looked around to see if cameras were rolling because I might be on some sort of joke show. 

I just finished a booked called “I hope they serve beer in Hell” by Tucker Max.  I will share some of my thoughts soon on that.  My best friend Schief is the man behind the Fukudometer and is beginning to get international fame because of a name he slapped on cardboard as well as some Japanese numbers.  It’s quite funny really. 

 

 

 

Filed under: Boobies, Cubs, Exercise, Schief, bag of asses, balls, body, boredom, fat, muscles, ride the snake, smelly, stink, weird

Broken Rib

I think I have one.  It hurts when I breathe, and I think that might not be a good thing.  This past Monday night I fell.  Hard.  Very hard, actually.  I have the great people that run my home owners association to thank for the shitty snow removal company that we hired to maintain our streets and driveways.  Right outside of my garage is at least a good 2-3 inches of thick ice that has accumulated throughout the past month.  I honestly could put on a pair of ice skates and skate from my garage to the street without hitting a patch of uncovered road.  That’s a good 30yards, too.  

So, this past Monday night, while I was rolling a very full garbage container to the street, we ate it together.  The container hit the ice at an angle and it flew on its side and since I had both hands on the handles it took me down with it causing me to rip things in my back that I never knew could be ripped.  I thought the pain would go away, but it hasn’t.  I honestly think that there might be a broken rib or two. 

I shall try and head to the doctor at some point, but with my balloon-party-laden weekend ahead of me I won’t have time. 

All of this talk about Ribs make’s me crave the McRibb from McDonalds.  Hasn’t it been long enough to scrape up all of the excess pork tidbits to give it another run?  I came across a food review where they ranked the top 10 sandwiches in the united states, and I was shocked to see the McRibb one of the top 10.

http://www.esquire.com/features/food-drink/sandwiches 

It’s good to see that i’m not the only one.  When I get sad and lonely, I go to www.mcrib.com and watch the dancing McRib sandwiches and dream of the day that I, too can hold one in my hand like the luck SOB that forever dances with the BBQ.  (although I don’t know how they hold the sandwich like that since they are messy)  Since I have started this whole healthier lifestyle bit, looking at this sandwich to me is about like staring at porn.

Today is leap day.  I don’t understand it.  I know that every four years we get an extra day that we wouldn’t have had otherwise.  I found it funny to hear on the radio in my drive to work this morning people calling in whose birthday falls on Feb 29th (leaplings are what I have learned is the technical term for such individuals).  Each caller would call in and say that they are 6 or 7 (really 24 or 28 for those not mathematically inclined) today.  The joke would continue about wanting a pony or tickets to a Hannah Montana concert.  When asked what the 7 year old was doing today, we were met with the “I’m off to work” line.  Bad radio.  You have to love it.  Well, at least this is only something that we have to deal with every four years. 

For a really action packed and educational read, I recommend going to wikipedia and looking up the word leap year.  Mad Leap year props if you make it through the whole thing without being confused or falling asleep. 

Filed under: achy, balloon, body, free porn, pain, stupid

Quick milestone

Things are rough at my regular day job.  The screws are tightening and we are being watched at all times.  I hit a milestone in my quest for unflabbiness that I needed to share.  For the first time in 7 years, I am in the 220’s.  Just barely, but I am there.  I haven’t seen a 22x in a very long time and if I didn’t have a broken rib (different story for a different day), I might have jumped up and thrown my hands in the air while screaming Yahoo!  Instead, I muttered a silent yahoo hoping to not anger the bone that feels like it is poking straight into my left lung. 

22lbs down, 18 to go for my goal prior to March 26th.  I have 27 days left and I am not going to hit the 210 mark as I hoped prior to Vegas. I know that I aimed entirely too high, but even if I hit 30lbs taken off in 2 1/2 months vs the 40lbs, I have won.  The only problem will be not gaining every single pound of it back while I am out there.   I type this while many around me eat free ice cream from Cold Stone Creamery that was brought in by one of our vendors.  I’ll just reach for my powdered meal in a huge jug, add a little water, shake, shake, and go on my new unfatty way, thank you very much. 

210’s here I come. 

Filed under: Exercise, Fatty, achy, body, pain, ride the snake, sore, work

“Put your elbows on the table…”

Yesterday will go down in the archives of my life as possibly one of the worst ever. 

“Put your elbows on the table..” He said.  If you don’t know what that means, let me back up and work up to it.

Yesterday started off shitty to begin with.  When taking out the garbage on Monday night, I managed to hit a patch of ice and fell.  The rolling garbage can fell too.  I think I hit the ground harder because the garbage can wasn’t whimpering as loud as I was as I rolled it out to the street.  I hurt my back.  I think it might be the worst that my back has ever felt.  Either something is torn or I have punctured a lung.  I can’t be certain.  Anytime that I breath or move suddenly I wince in pain.  I would assume that if my lung was punctured, I would really know and I would have gone to the hospital, so I am leaning towards something being torn.  I will give it a few more days. 

So, getting out of bed Tuesday morning and getting dressed was a treat.  I was off to work.  Upon arrival and review of my daily outlook calendar of appointments and conference calls, it shocked me to see that I had a Urologist appointment scheduled for 2:30pm.  Joyous.  I haven’t seen one of them in a few years.  I have been having issues that I won’t describe here, but I can say that these issues were major in my life 10-12 years ago and I had to have surgery.  Now the issues have slowly crept back into my life which is setting off alarms everywhere now that my wife and I are considering having children. 

My new Urologist isn’t very nice.  The nurse asked me all of the standard fare questions as she typed them into the computer in my little room.  After a good 10 minute wait the doctor finally arrived.  He was an older Doctor wearing very eccentric pants and shoes.  Upon arrival, he introduced himself and then sat down at the computer.  He began to type and click the mouse.  I was unable to see the monitor from where I was because there was a privacy screen.  He typed and clicked for a good 7-10 minutes while I sat there in the quiet room.  No questions, no chatter…I honestly felt I was back in my high pressure close the sale days where the first person to talk would lose.  I lost.  I noticed a pamphlet next to the doctor that was covering “No-Needle, No-Scalpel, Vasectomy”.  I instantly thought about my friend Toms (www.stupidtom.com) questions regarding this “non-invasive” procedure, and saw my chance to get some answers.  Tom’s concern from what I recalled was a question about where the sperm goes.  His answer was very scientific and he discussed how the semen remains the same since that doesn’t come from where the sperm cells come from.  The sperm cells get absorbed in the body (he used some fancy term to say that it doesn’t cause any problems when absorbed since they are only cells that the body created to begin with…something like protein enzymes or something technical like that.)  But I will type word for word a potential complication as it is stated in the pamphlet:

“Sperm granuloma, a hard, sometimes painful lump about the size of a pea may form as a result of the sperm leaking from the cut vas deferens.  The lump is not dangerous and is almost always resolved by the body in time.  Scrotal support and mild pain relievers are usually all that are needed for symptoms, thought I may suggest other treament.”

“Congestion, a sense of pressure caused by sperm in the testes, epididymis, and lower vas deferens, may cause discomfort some 2 to 12 weeks after vasectomy.  Like granuloma, congestion usually resolves itself in time.”  

I won’t comment on this.  I will let the words speak to each of you in it’s own little way.  Back to me and my quiet wait.  I honestly think he was checking email.  Checking email or playing sudoku online.  Maybe even a cross word? 

We finally got down to the tests. Most of everything he said was good news.  I have to do some more testing to be sure, so more will come.  After he began explaining what was going on, he pointed at the table and said, “Put your elbows on the table” as he reached for a tube of jelly.  I can’t be certain what happened next because it is all a bit foggy, but I remember him saying something about ”not fighting it” and while throwing a box of kleenex at me to “clean myself up”.  As I drove away a little tear streamed down my cheek.  (being over dramatic) 

Ok, so there wasn’t a tear, but definitely a grimace at what I had just experienced…until…wait for it…BAM, BAM!  Within 5 minutes of having a finger shoved in and around my rectum I hit a pothole that destroyed my two right tires.  It had seriously been  5 minutes since one of the most traumatic events occured in my life until I was now unable to get off the road due to having tires shredded by a three foot long pot hole that had to have been 8-10 inches deep. 

An officer called in for a tow truck since I was actually blocking one of two lanes, and AAA wasn’t going to be able to get someone to me for a good 45 minutes to an hour.  My wife picked me up, we followed the tow truck to the auto place and the wife and I continued on to the restaurant in Algonquin where I twisted balloons and she graded papers and did school work for a good two hours. 

…yep, I would say that yesterday sucked something hard.

Filed under: Cops, Cry baby, achy, balloon, balls, body, pain, scared, scrotum, stupid, weird, wife

Food is my new porn

Throughout my recent weight loss quest, I have given up on food that is bad for me.  Now the term “bad for me” could mean several different things.  It could be truly good for me to eat while I am eating it, but it will not yield the appropriate results for my epic battle against the evil fat that lives within my body. 

I still think and will always think that God played the greatest joke on humanity when he made food that tastes good bad for you and food the tastes bad very good for you. 

I love the fact that my gym has little 15″ LCD televisions on every single cardio machine so that I can channel surf while I work out, but I never realized how much advertising is on the television for fast food restaurants.  I have debated with the idea of putting a comment in the box that they should implement some sort of technology that will edit out all of the food commercials while I work out.  It truly is torture. 

Go to this blog: http://www.thefoodpornographer.com/

Looking at their food dishes is hotter to me right now than looking at naked women.  It really is. You might think I am joking, but I am not.  I don’t know what that says about me.  Maybe it says that I can’t succeed in my lifestyle change.  I could sit here and stare at all of that good tasting food all freaking day.  I couldn’t find a photo of the people that run this blog, but I would have to imagine that they are very fat people.  If they have eaten the food that is in every single image (over 6,100) then I would put them high on the list of potential heart attack victims.  Not that I am judging, but that food just looks so damn good….

Filed under: Blog, Blogroll, Cry baby, Exercise, Fatty, body, boredom, fat, weird

Blindsided

I pulled up this site a bit ago, and kind of sat back and reflected upon some of the craziness that is my life.  I don’t like to bore people to death on here, even though I am very guilty of doing so on a frequent basis. 

I wrote earlier this week about this past weekend when my brother and his wife and their 5 children (my nieces and nephews)  came up and stayed.  My younger brother as well as my mother came up, too.  It was a very interesting visit since this would have to be the first time that our whole family had been together for no reason other than to visit.  Typically it takes a holiday to rope me into hanging with the crazies, but for once we all just came together to enjoy a weekend.  Rare, but it was nice in a screwed up way. 

I just got news from my wife that my brother is leaving my sister in law.  My sister in law emailed my wife to give her the news.  They are calling it a seperation, but child support and visitation has already been settled, so I would call it more than a seperation. 

So, right now I sit here….shocked and feeling really sick to my stomach.  My older brother seemed at peace this weekend.  I thought it was because he had finally found happiness with his wife and family, but now it would appear that the happiness was because he had already made a mental decision to cut ties and move on.  Wow.  I didn’t see this coming. 

Pretty ridiculous weekend ahead for me.  Four different balloon events (www.misterd.balloonhq.com) combined with loads of church activities and amongst all of this punishment I am doing to my body, I fear I have been neglecting time with my wife, so I will try to make up for that all the while still getting to the gym on Saturday and Sunday.  What ever happened to a relaxing weekend? 

61 days until my goal expires.  I am 15 days into my new lifestyle and as of last night I have dropped 15 pounds already.  15lbs down, 25 still to go.  I think I should be able to hit the remainder 25 within the next 61 days.  Hopefully they will come off as quickly as the first 15 did.  My wife is in no way excited for me since she is concerned that it’s happening too fast.  This leaves me with no one to celebrate a milestone with except me and this forum.  I am very proud of myself.  Not just for the lifestyle change but also because yesterday was the one month anniversary of my last cigarette.  I haven’t gone this long without a smoke since I picked up the nasty habit during college over ten years ago.  Hooray for me.  Once again, something that I can’t celebrate with my wife because for over 7 years I hid the fact that I smoked on a regular basis from her. 

Hooray for me and the therapy this forum brings with it.  Have a wonderful weekend. 

Filed under: Brother, Church, Exercise, In laws, Resolutions, balloon, body, ride the snake, weekend, wife, work

I can’t take it…

but I am going to anyway.  The coundown is at 72 days.  Only 6 in my new lifestyle, and I have deduced that I am going too hard.  My body and brain are not getting along.  My brain wants to keep working and hit the ultimate goal in a week.  My body continues to say “Fuck you” to my brain.  They have a love hate relationship.  Tonight I have my one required one hour session with a physical trainer.  I would love to explore this profession in a later post and I think I will.  Since I know that it is the goal of my gym to dig their hands as deep into my pockets as possible they are going to sell the shit out of paying for a physical trainer.  I have been thinking up a plan on scaring the shit out of whatever trainer gets stuck with me.  I have to come up with a story.  Something along the lines where my Hepatitis can only be contained with one hour of cardio daily.  Or how I just got done with a 3 year stint in the pen for stalking my last physical trainer.  I could have a lot of fun with that one.  I think that my response to any question eluding to scheduling sessions wiht a physical trainer will be, “My psychotherapist doesn’t think that it would be smart for me to start seeing a physical trainer again after what happened last time.” 

The theme of this past weekend was balloons.  I managed to make perhaps the greatest balloon sculptures yet to date in my life as a balloon twister.  A 5 foot long Lightning McQueen and a 4 foot tall Snow white.  Each were commissioned for seperate birthday parties and both were fully custom made.  Typically when I am booked for a balloon gig (www.misterd.balloonhq.com) I offer a grand finale creation for an extra thirty bucks.  I will make something a little more elaborate than the norm and keep it in my car until the party is over.  Before I leave I bring inthe surprise and offer it to the birthday child to the “oohs” and “aahs” of the parents.  Bringing it in at the end of the party also prevents every single child to want the same thing that you spent 3-4 hours on the morning of or the night before.   Thirty bucks is nothing for the sculptures I made since they do take an enormous amount of time.  I like to make them because it allows me to challenge myself and create things that I wouldn’t normally make.  The Thirty bucks purely covers the expense for balloons on the grand creation.  I will post some pictures of these creations soon.  Next weekend I have to make a life sized Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and I am looking forward to that as well.  

This last weekend also gave me time to fix things with my wife.  I don’t know what it is about my lifestyle change, but it has created tensions in the homefront.  My wife and I were/are not on the same page about the decisions that I have made.  She understands a little more now after we spent a good amount of time talking and I actually think that my change is bringing on a change in her as well.  She is eating healthier as well as working out more and more, so this could be good for both of us. 

I know I continue to promise pictures and they will be coming online soon.  Computer problems at home have prevented from the upload of photos, and I am now at the point that I am just going to go to Walgreens and have all of the images uploaded from my memory cards to a disc so I can finally get it done. 

Have a great week!

Filed under: Exercise, Fatty, achy, balloon, body, muscles, pain, ride the snake, sore, weekend, wife

Ride the Snake!

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=460399&fr=

Go and watch this video.  This is the program that I have joined on my quest to lose the weight.  75 days now and 25 pounds.  I have decided to introduce supplements to my plan and boy did I!  Last night I dropped a couple hundred at GNC for the good stuff.  Not just good stuff, but the stuff that they keep locked up in the little plastic lockboxes that you can not pick up, look at, and use without signing a waiver that you will not hold GNC reliable if just touching the bottle causes the fat to magically disappear from the fingers holding the bottle. 

I have hit my obsessive compulsive nerve on this mission and I secretly like it.  My doctor requested that I don’t go too hard too fast since it shines a spotlight on my obsessive compulsiveness, but right now, I don’t give a rat’s ass.  This morning I popped the first series of pills and I don’t know what they put in them, but I have already stepped away from my desk and without even realizing dropped and starting doing pushups…I just can’t stop.  They make me want to break dance right now. 

I had considered the new FDA approved weight loss product Alli, but something about that product scares me.  Here is the website: http://www.myalli.com/

I have heard stories about people randomly pooping themselves with this stuff, and to my knowledge that is how it works.  If you eat more than 15 grams of fat in any meal, you are going to crap your pants sometimes without knowing it.  Stray too far from your diet and you are guaranteed to poop in your pants!  Talk about an extreme embarrasment.  If I knew that I might randomly crap my pants, then I wouldn’t eat anything that would have a single gram of fat. 

Here are two very disturbing tales right off of alli’s website:  (note to reader- If reading disgusting “opps, I’ve crapped my pants” stories repulse you, then skip down to the next paragraph.

“(I)’ve pooped my pants 3 times today, and sorry to get descriptive but it even leaked onto the couch at one point!” writes one user.

It can strike any time — even in the early hours of the morning. One user writes: “(Y)a know how when you start moving around in the morning ya pass a little gas. Well, I did and then went into the bathroom and to my horror I had an orange river of grease running down my leg.”

Oh, I just wish that I knew someone directly that has taken it to confirm all that I have read! 

I am not going to turn this into a weight loss journal or anything, but I am going to post when anything weird or different happens during my quest such has clumps of hair falling out or a 10lb section of fat randomly falling off of my stomach. 

Fun weekend ahead.  Balloon parties galore mixed in with some workouts and church.  Nice little weekend ahead of me.  Have a wonderful weekend!

Filed under: Blog, Church, Exercise, Resolutions, alli, balloon, body, muscles, poop, ride the snake, scared, stupid, train wreck