Happy Valentines Day

(I will explain the dress photo below.  Photo was downloaded from Mark Byrne’s website www.balloonguy.net and dress created by Rie Hosokai www.daisyballoon.com)

Yep, it’s Valentines day.  What am I gonna do for my baby tonight?  Nothing.  I have my billiards league.  Sweet, right?  No?  I know that already. I covered my bases. 

I sent her flowers today…at least I think I did.  I seriously ordered them two months ago because apparently if you order in December, you get December rose prices, which I have learned is the slowest month for rose orders which means they drop their prices.  So, I am hoping that my order didn’t get lost in the shuffle and that everything gets delivered.  I know it’s sad really.  I have hit an age where I monitor the price of flowers throughout the year so that I can save some money.  If you have ever used Farecast.com, I recommend it.  I have been watching the fares for airline tickets go up and down for the past two months.  I started using it for my flight to Vegas, and the site actually helped me save 40 bucks on airfare by notifying me when the prices dropped for my flight.  What they need to do is create something like this for flowers. 

My other concern is that my wife teaches at two different schools.  It’s quite possible that they do not deliver until this afternoon which would suck because they are scheduled to be delivered at the school she leaves at twelve thirty, so she may get flowers sent to her and she will not know.  Since they don’t have school tomorrow or Monday, the flowers might sit in the school office until Tuesday and be all wilted before she even lays eyes on them.  That would be my luck.  The wifey is planning something special for me tomorrow after work, so we shall see. 

I think I have hit the wall for the first time with this site.  For the first time, something I wrote long ago has come back and bit me in the ass.  I was told from someone that I care about deeply that they were on the receiving end of a tongue lashing due to something I carelessly wrote.  I essentially put a friend in the doghouse.  I went back and found what he was referencing and I was 1. shocked that I would carelessly write about the subject.  2. upset because what I had written didn’t seem to me to be a big deal, but became clear that what I wrote could have easily been hurtful to the person that stumbled upon it. 

So, I did something I never thought I would do, and removed it from my site.  I also combed through several other posts just to make sure that nothing else I wrote about this friend was incriminating in any way. 

It’s one thing for me to put myself out in the open, but an entirely different thing for me to drag friends under the wheels of the bus with me.  Lesson learned.  

I am kicking around ideas about harnessing the power of this whole blog thing for the power of good.  I have a favorite site that I just can’t get enough of:  http://bentobjects.blogspot.com/

I love that Terry creates things that originate in his mind and shares them with the world.  He has a brilliant mind and shows it through his wire sculptures.  He, along with other artists in my industry have inspired me to do something similar with my balloon twisting abilities.  I don’t know if any of you have seen that email flying around with pictues of the balloon dresses and balloon costumes, and I am not about to begin my thoughts about that email, I will save that for tomorrow, but I am ready to go big with balloons and this site just might be the place to make that happen. 

I would like to have my own amazing website created, but right now the funds aren’t there even thought it essentially is a business expense.   I have something major working that involves a major impact on my balloon business and if it goes through and I am hired, then I may be able to use those funds to have something designed.  In the meantime, I am going to attempt to start posting a new twisted creation daily, if not more often.  Hopefully get a following of people who stop by for the creation and comment about it, leave challenges and ideas.  It doesn’t hurt to dream big! 

Have a happy valentines day!

Filed under: Blog, balloon, billiard, friend, romance, wife, work

Food is my new porn

Throughout my recent weight loss quest, I have given up on food that is bad for me.  Now the term “bad for me” could mean several different things.  It could be truly good for me to eat while I am eating it, but it will not yield the appropriate results for my epic battle against the evil fat that lives within my body. 

I still think and will always think that God played the greatest joke on humanity when he made food that tastes good bad for you and food the tastes bad very good for you. 

I love the fact that my gym has little 15″ LCD televisions on every single cardio machine so that I can channel surf while I work out, but I never realized how much advertising is on the television for fast food restaurants.  I have debated with the idea of putting a comment in the box that they should implement some sort of technology that will edit out all of the food commercials while I work out.  It truly is torture. 

Go to this blog: http://www.thefoodpornographer.com/

Looking at their food dishes is hotter to me right now than looking at naked women.  It really is. You might think I am joking, but I am not.  I don’t know what that says about me.  Maybe it says that I can’t succeed in my lifestyle change.  I could sit here and stare at all of that good tasting food all freaking day.  I couldn’t find a photo of the people that run this blog, but I would have to imagine that they are very fat people.  If they have eaten the food that is in every single image (over 6,100) then I would put them high on the list of potential heart attack victims.  Not that I am judging, but that food just looks so damn good….

Filed under: Blog, Blogroll, Cry baby, Exercise, Fatty, body, boredom, fat, weird

Ride the Snake!

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=460399&fr=

Go and watch this video.  This is the program that I have joined on my quest to lose the weight.  75 days now and 25 pounds.  I have decided to introduce supplements to my plan and boy did I!  Last night I dropped a couple hundred at GNC for the good stuff.  Not just good stuff, but the stuff that they keep locked up in the little plastic lockboxes that you can not pick up, look at, and use without signing a waiver that you will not hold GNC reliable if just touching the bottle causes the fat to magically disappear from the fingers holding the bottle. 

I have hit my obsessive compulsive nerve on this mission and I secretly like it.  My doctor requested that I don’t go too hard too fast since it shines a spotlight on my obsessive compulsiveness, but right now, I don’t give a rat’s ass.  This morning I popped the first series of pills and I don’t know what they put in them, but I have already stepped away from my desk and without even realizing dropped and starting doing pushups…I just can’t stop.  They make me want to break dance right now. 

I had considered the new FDA approved weight loss product Alli, but something about that product scares me.  Here is the website: http://www.myalli.com/

I have heard stories about people randomly pooping themselves with this stuff, and to my knowledge that is how it works.  If you eat more than 15 grams of fat in any meal, you are going to crap your pants sometimes without knowing it.  Stray too far from your diet and you are guaranteed to poop in your pants!  Talk about an extreme embarrasment.  If I knew that I might randomly crap my pants, then I wouldn’t eat anything that would have a single gram of fat. 

Here are two very disturbing tales right off of alli’s website:  (note to reader- If reading disgusting “opps, I’ve crapped my pants” stories repulse you, then skip down to the next paragraph.

“(I)’ve pooped my pants 3 times today, and sorry to get descriptive but it even leaked onto the couch at one point!” writes one user.

It can strike any time — even in the early hours of the morning. One user writes: “(Y)a know how when you start moving around in the morning ya pass a little gas. Well, I did and then went into the bathroom and to my horror I had an orange river of grease running down my leg.”

Oh, I just wish that I knew someone directly that has taken it to confirm all that I have read! 

I am not going to turn this into a weight loss journal or anything, but I am going to post when anything weird or different happens during my quest such has clumps of hair falling out or a 10lb section of fat randomly falling off of my stomach. 

Fun weekend ahead.  Balloon parties galore mixed in with some workouts and church.  Nice little weekend ahead of me.  Have a wonderful weekend!

Filed under: Blog, Church, Exercise, Resolutions, alli, balloon, body, muscles, poop, ride the snake, scared, stupid, train wreck

A cardboard coaster???

On any given day we will have 20-30 vendors in our buildings.  I sell a lot of their shit.  Sometimes the vendors walk around and give us stuff.  The cooler things would be squeeze balls, nerf guns, staplers, calculators, mugs, thumb drives,  pens, fun light up pens, light up cups, energy drinks, candy, slim jims… you know…crazy shit that makes life in a cubicle relatively enjoyable.  I saw the coolest thing.  It was a USB rocket launcher.  It plugs into your USB port and there was computer software that you could position it onto your cubicle wall and through the software, measure, aim, and launch at your enemy.  Good stuff. 

Well today a vendor walked through and handed me a cardboard beer coaster.  Yep, A cardboard beer coaster.  Not a fancy light up coaster. Not a cool plastic one, but a cardboard beer coaster with their logo on it. 

I can’t wait to use it.  It is everything I’ve ever dreamed of.  Talk about cheap ass.  It just happens to be the least sold vendor in this particular product category and the reason is demonstrated in the .003 cents that they spent to make me think of them vs. the other company that hosted a cubs roof top game and expected nothing in return. 

I am sick of money.  I will write about that tomorrow. 

I just came across a real gem of a blog site and I will blogroll it tomorrow, but check out the sneeze. www.thesneeze.com

I am a huge fan and I will honestly say that I have never been sitting in my cubicle by myself and laughed so damn hard at someone’s writing.  I recommend starting with the Steve, Don’t Eat It! section.  Funniest shit I have read in a long time.  Steve eats stuff that we have always wondered who did, and yep, it’s Steve! Yesterday I laughed so hard that 3 people came to my desk to ask me if I was alright. 

Filed under: Blog, Blogroll, work

Super fun…supergay!

  

So, I am sad to report that last night didn’t finish off with the hopeful porn like bang that I had hoped for, but it was still a very enjoyable evening. 

 

As I wrote yesterday, since I was kicked out of the house for the evening, I asked Mike if he and I could take his son and daughter to Great America.  The scariest thing happened to me last night.  I had a great time. 

 

Rewind my life to 3 years ago and ask me if I would have a great time going to Great America with a friend and 2 young children.  The answer would have probably been “No”.  I would even go out on a limb and say that I may have enjoyed Great America more last night than I ever had in all of my visits with friends.  I can’t even describe it.  I probably had my biggest brush with fatherhood ever and I have to say that I enjoyed it more than I would have ever imagined.  Weird. The highlight of the evening was watching a guy and two girls sing songs from the 80’s while dresses up in the 80’s garb.  The man was so flamingly gay. I saw two other gay guys walk up and they laughed as they started to walk away as if to say that he is too gay for them. I have never seen gay guys laugh at the gayness of another. So, as we were getting ready to roll out last night I became a little sad that it was coming to an end so I went to the office and dropped 50 bucks on a season pass so that I can hang with my peeps D and Olivia.  (4 and 2 years old respectively.)  I hope that we go back several times before the end of the season. 

 

By the time I walked in the door to home it was 9:30 and I was surprised to find out that my wife and her girly friends were just getting started on dinner and drinking.  I decided to sport my new SuperMan cape that I bought at Great America as I walked into the house to embarrass my wife.  After all the ladies were laughing I announced that I was planning on surprising Jeanne with it by wearing it out of the shower while naked the next night, and that made Jeanne turn a color that I had never seen before.  Hey! She always asks when I am going to start wearing fun outfits for her in the bedroom, so who is she to complain about my sexy clothes style.  I jumped in the shower and then hid for the rest of the night until I passed out from all of the craziness that is Six Flags. 

 

The cape now adorns the wall of my new cubicle.  Ever since the big move I have a need to put all sorts of weird and funny things at my desk.  I have brought magic to work as well.  My neighbors laugh as I talk on the phone and turn 3 different length strings into 3 same length strings.  Or as I make a handkerchief disappear into my palm.  All while focusing on a phone call.  Good stuff. 

 

It’s pool night tonight.  Drinking night. 

 

Interesting how a title like “Hot girl on girl action!” from yesterday’s post could prompt the most number of hits that my blog has ever seen.  I don’t understand.  It’s like many men out there are looking for porn or something.

Filed under: Blog, beer, free porn, friend, shower, weird, wife, work

Family fun

This weekend was full of family fun.  For Mothers day I decided to head down to central illinois to mingle with the natives.  My family never ceases to amaze me.  If it weren’t for my grandparents I would have probably convinced myself that I was truly kidnapped out of the arms of my real parents many years ago.   My life is straight out of a disney story.  I am stuck with a redneck trailer park family when I know that I should be on the phone with a loving mother and father who are happily married and have a good source of income. 

My back is murderous.  9 hours of driving my wife’s Hyundai Elantra out of a total of 30 hours.  My back is not a fan of me.  I hope it forgives me before this evenings softball game. 

The biggest highlight of the weekend was the epic balloon sword battle that I had with my neices and nephews.  At one point on Saturday evening, we had 9 children/adults engaged in battle each with multiple latex weapons.  (www.misterd.balloonhq.com) I rarely ever get to partake in the balloon battle because I am the busy balloon guy twisting away, but this time, I was able to join in on the balloon debauchery.  The coolest part of all was the fact that I could choose what weapon I wanted to dominate all of the children with.  They all thought they were cool by each having a balloon sword in each hand, but when I was done, no one could touch me.  I twisted an intricate pirate sword, shield, and a battle axe that served as my blocker/finisher.  At one point I was even using a balloon bow and arrow to shoot the children.  Definitely the most fun I have had with Balloons in a long time. 

I thought for a few moments how much fun it would be to have an adult teamed up with a child.  The adult would be a skilled balloon twister and would twist whatever midevil weaponry he would want him and his child to go to battle with.  You could make all sorts of crazy weaponry out of balloons.  It could be a blast depending on how into it you would be. 

On the family front, I met my grandparents, dad, aunts, uncles at a chinese buffet for lunch on Mothersday.  My grandmother recently had the pleasure of trying chinese food for the first time and she is hooked.  I don’t know why I find that funny, but a 76 year old woman craving Chinese makes me laugh.  I am not laughing about my stomach.  I still don’t think my body has recovered from the meal over 24 hours ago. 

On the job front, I have two things today that I am laughing about. 

1. Back in January I was a guniea pig for my company and I acquired an expert certification with one of the largest complicated manufacturers that we sell.  My group that became certified was tracked and it was shown that we had a 78% increase in the amount of sales for this particular manufacturer.  Now they are making everyone become certified.  Becoming certified was  a real pain in the ass.  If you fail the final test, you have to pay to retake it out of your own pocket.  I find joy in the fact that all the guys around me are bitching about the certification.  They ask me questions about it and I make it out to be much harder than it really is.  I have taken it to the point that they have already assumed failure.  I love my job. 

2. One of my good friends at work is livid about the fact that they hired another person with his exact same name. It isn’t even a common name.  To be honest, it is a very uncommon name.  I asked how his experience has been with another person with his exact same name, and he is ready to leave the company.  This is something right out of an episode of the office.  It is tough enough in our job to deal with all of the bull shit, but to have to deal with email that doesn’t come to you and getting email meant to go to someone else and crazy stuff like that.  I can’t blame him.  I can’t help but tell him how sorry I feel while snickering under my breath at the same time.  Doesn’t sound like such an issue, but I think I would leave if they ever hired another Dennis Scott.

Filed under: Blog, balloon, beer, body, confused, dad, excuse, fun, grouchy, mean, scared, sore, weird, wife, work

Elevator awkwardness

I love elevator awkwardness.   I mean…I hate elevator awkwardness.  Each and every day I must get on an elevator and ride 5 floors to my desk.  Nothing interesting happened today, but I find myself changing the way I normally do things based on who is getting ready to get on. Is it weird that if I am ready to go home and someone is waiting for an elevator, I will actually take the stairs down 5 floors to avoid that awkwardness?  I am not a shy guy, but I will say that in life you either become the extremely social elevator guy or the incredibly introverted man who cowers in the back corner of the elevator doing everything you possibly can to not make eye contact.  I wouldn’t say that I cower, but many do.  I usually will be the guy that works the button.  I will stand in front of the button rows and push the close door button to move things along.  My least favorite thing is also the 2nd floor elevator guy.  The guy that seriously could walk up 15 steps and be at his desk, but would prefer to take the elevator and prolong my ride due to his laziness.  It’s usually when this guy is on the elevator that I am faced with the floor tour, stopping on every single floor on the way up to five.  I would imaging that some people have it worst in Chicago where there are hundreds of stories worth of floors to have to stop on, and here I am bitching about only five.  The grass is always greener. 

On a seperate note, this whole pro blogger competition thing has relatively soiled my blogging experience.  I blog for the fun and enjoyment of it.  I am still a very young blogger and am a bit fragile.  This has opened my eyes and revealed a world of blogs that have lowered my opinion of this hobby.  I understand that people really try and make money at this.  What a way to earn a living.  Sitting behind the desk typing away all day.  Sounds familiar.   That is what I do.  For some reason the phrase blog whore has come into my mind in the last 24 hours.  It is fun to have people stop by and visit my site, leave comments and such, but if the main purpose in life for any of you is to do anything and everything to drive traffic to your blog, then I extend sorry feelings in your general direction.  (This is me on my soap box in all my glory.)  What a waste of life.  That is unless you have the ability to do this while sitting outside, enjoying the beautiful weather, while spending time with your spouse/partner.  I will get down now.  My soap box is already not as wide and tall as I would like and a bit wobbly as it is.  Hope I don’t piss any of you off even though I know I may.  This rant was brought to you by the wonderful people at SoBe.  SoBe No Fear.  A delicious Super Energy Supplement drink containing Taurine, L-Carnitine, Arginine and other power components.  It’ll make you feel like your on Roids!  SoBe No Fear.  DOUBLE DOWN!  (www.sobenofear.com) 

So, I was able to make amens with the wifey last night by spending a wonderful evening together.  She came home early, not allowing me to surprise her in the least.  I wanted to go for a walk, and she wanted to stay in and have dinner together.  So, I cooked out a romantic meal on the grill.  Bet you didn’t know that butterfly’d pork chops and Mac n Cheese could be romantic, did you?  Well, it can’t.  I guess the romantic meal will have to wait for another day.  It was too nice not to be outside cooking animal flesh over hot coals while drinking a cold beer.  We still enjoyed a very great evening without all of the romantic hoo-haa.  I think we should try and do that more often.   

Filed under: Blog, Roid Rage juice, confused, coworker, excuse, friend, fun, grouchy, mean, romance, scared, train wreck, weird, wife

Top 5 reasons that I can not win a top 5 blogging competition!

I just flipped over to my main man’s blog (www.stupidtom.com) and saw that he has entered this competition and found much humor in his post.  In it, he has motivated me to action.  I have only been blogging now for a month and a half now, and I am as close to being addicted as it gets.  So, on that note, I thought I would compete for the sake of getting my toes wet in this whole “blogging competition thingy”.  Do I expect to win?  Shizer no!  But, I will probably learn a thing or two while I explore why blogging is fun in the first place and why I suck compared to so many who do this with a serious purpose. 

5. As I mentioned, I am new to this and I haven’t even uncovered the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my blogging ability.  It’s kind of like a Star Wars jedi thing.  I am nothing but a young Aniken who is busy working on robots for my slave owner until I become noticed and led to learn the secrets of the Blogging Jedi Masters.  Then I will turn evil and move to a very dark theme for my blog page like many others. 

4. My blogs have no purpose.  I just like to ramble on like a homeless man who is on a 9 month bender.  This morning I contemplated blogging on the fact that my wife and I now buy bottled water because we are too lazy to fill our water bottles by the slow pouring nozzle on our frigerator.  Without a purpose, readers only gain the knowledge of how ridiculously retarded my life is. 

3. I think I read somewhere on the rules for this competition that entries written by crazy balloon twisters (www.misterd.balloonhq.com)  with Mad Cow disease would not be accepted… (http://dennismitchell.wordpress.com/tag/blood/)

2. Good things do not happen to good people.  I have come to this realization in life.  You have to be old and live on a farm or work for a manufacturing plant and drive a Harley to win the lotto.  (or just play) Which, those two classes of people describe the majority of those who do spend money on the lottery.  I am sure some evil, wicked, man who has just finished pushing an old lady to the floor after calling her fat will win this goofy thing. 

1.  One of the comments was to “Feel free to put your post in your own first language.”  Which to me,  pretty much announces truly how stupid I am.  If someone who speaks multiple languages is entering, I am pretty sure they possess way more knowlege about many things, much less blogging.  Once I read that suggestion, the theme of my entry was clearly obvious.  If only I would have paid attention during the 4 years of spanish during high school I would have a much better chance of winning.  “como esta?”  “muy bien”  “Y tu”  “tu papa vive en la casa de caca?”  Sorry, but that is as far as my secondary languages go.  I’m pretty much screwed…

Filed under: Blog, Blood, Pee, balloon, confused, excuse, fart, french, friend, fun, funny, grouchy, latex, mad cow, mean, pain, poop, scared, sleepy, smelly, stink, weird, wife, work

The eye of the storm is upon me…

This weekend has come and gone and I am happy to announce that I am still alive.  Barely. Friday night and all day Saturday were spent doing my good deeds at the church.  The Church Musical was this weekend and I struggled a bit.  I am the bar manager and at one point I asked myself why on God’s Earth am I the bar manager?  I thought about it all weekend and came to a final conclusion. 

 On Friday night, not realizing how much of a pain in my ass this whole event was going to be, there was a moment when one of the volunteers looked at me with the “This guy sucks!” look.   I would have to say that I fully agreed with him because I had never had experience managing a bar before in my life.  But, the bottom line is this:  I got the job done.  It was not pretty.  It was not sexy.  It was very thankless.  But, I got the job done.  Managing two bars, 16 different people, 260 bottles of wine/champagne , 40 cases of soda, 10 cases of water, 16 boxes of wine, and 2 kegs of beer was about the biggest pain in the ass I ever want to experience again in my life.  The great thing about it all is that I get to do it all over again this upcoming weekend.  I can not wait!  So, to the guy that gave me the “this guys sucks!” look, screw you.  Because  if you could do it any better, then you do it.  That is basically what I bring to the table is a guarantee to get things done, but not in the most beautiful or perfect fashion. 

The scariest part of all is that now that I have it down, and can do it well, I will be asked to do it every single year moving forward.  I have already begun to imagine excuses as to why I will be out of town for the two weekends of the Musical next year.  I want to ask now what dates they have on the calendar so that I can schedule a 2 week trip to some tropical destination.  What, is that wrong?  I don’t think so.  I have truly thought about this, and have run about every excuse through my tiny little brain and travel is the only way to get out of it.  The planning and preperation takes 2 months for this event, so a sickness won’t work.  Not unless I want to come down with a possible case of the HIV.  It would be a miracle….I can see it…I don’t do it next year due to the splotches appearing all over my back and chest(that no one can see of course)…once the musical is over o find out that a test came back incorrect and that I was fine all along…no I don’t think that would work.  It is a church event, so faking a death in the family somehow seems as wrong as it gets.  Nope, can’t think of any reason at all other than travel both weekends.  So, I am officially now planning my 5th anniversary.  I don’t know when I will be on it, but I will be sad to miss such a wonderful performance put on by the church. 

Funny quote of the weekend I overheard one of the bartenders say, “My wife already ate because she can not mix up her poop schedule.”  TMI. 

I don’t know why I posted that image for the eye of the storm headline.  I could have chosen a boring weather image, but thought that would be much more weird like me. 

Filed under: Blog, Church, Guy, beer, body, confused, funny, grouchy, mean, muscles, poop, scared, sleepy, sore, weird, wife, work

The looming storm…

Today’s post will be short.  I have to leave from work early today for what will be the beginning of a very long weekend. 

I have spoken several times about a funny moment I had over the weekend, and as time has past, it doesn’t seem to be as funny anymore.  I guess I missed my window of opportunity to capitalize on the humor of it.  I will still tell the story, but in abbreviated form. 

This last Friday night, I met up with some good friends to play some poker.  We all met at my best friend (& best man at my wedding & reason I am married to my wife) Chris Schieffers (Schief as I have called him for 11 years) house in the city.  I knew all of the guys that were going except one.  Schief said he was a new teacher at his school.  He told me upfront that Jeff was a cool guy and that he was short.  I don’t know why his height was that important, but apparently Schief feels I might have a fear of short people.  Jeff showed up and he was short.  Schief did not lie.  I would put him at 5′7″ maybe.  Maybe a little shorter.  No biggie, it’s not like he was starring in any episode of the Jerry Springer show or anything. 

At first impression, I thought Jeff was great.  I still do.  My issue was that he was to great.  Overlygreat.  My buddy Schief possesses a very high knowledge of sports.  I have a good knowledge as well, but not like him.  Jeff has a supremely high knowledge of sports because he was a producer of some sort for the local most popular sporting talk radio show.  So, not only does he know alot about sports, but he knows the athletes personally.  Great.

So, for just a second, I had a very jealous moment.  I worried about being bumped in the lineup to this new guy.  He works with my best friend, has a lot in common with my best friend…gay, I know, but it takes a man to admit those gay moments.  The icing on the cake was when Jeff’s phone rang and I noticed that he had the exact same cellphone.  (not a common one, but very unique cell phone.) 

So, to wrap up a non funny gay tale, I like Jeff.  I could see him fitting in with our crew of guys.  This whole thought was a total over reaction on my part.  Nothing to worry about here.  Another sign of the setting in of Mad Cow disease…?  Maybe I have a very unique strain of Mad Cow, called Feminine Cow disease because lately I have been bitchy. 

Enjoy your weekend.  I will be living at Church for the musical for the next 3 days.  See you on monday!

Filed under: Blog, Church, achy, confused, friend, fun, funny, grouchy, mad cow, mean, scared, weird, wife