Jack & Grill

Before I hammer on my Jack & Grill experience this past week while in Denver, let me just say that the name of the new theme I am using for this blog is “Fresh Bananas”.  I chose this theme purely because of the name and had no interest in even seeing if it would appeal (yes, pun intended) to me.  Speaking of Fresh Bananas, have any of you ever tried eating a green banana?  I did a few weeks back and I’m not gonna lie.  It sucks.  Don’t do it.  It tastes like you are eating a slightly flavored root.  I took two bites and spit it out.  The banana peel would have tasted better.  I have a new found fascination with bananas after that experience.  I buy them green at the store and over the course of 24-48 hours they transform from banana flavored root to something soft and glorious.   …back to Jack & Grill. 

Regretably I don’t have pictures to support this visit.  When we finally got back into Denver after four hours on the road, I was in no mood to unpack my camera so the only image of anything from Jack & Grill was taken by Chris’s cellphone. 

Jack & Grill is in the Jefferson Park area of Denver’s inner city.  I had first learned about Jack & Grill while watching Man vs. Food a few weeks before the trip.  They did a segment on Jack & Grills breakfast burrito challenge.  It’s a Jack & Grill where they offer a 7 pound breakfast burrito.  Being a fan of breakfasts and a bigger fan of burritos, I immediately added a visit to this restaurant to the agenda for Thursday morning while only four of us were in town.  The deal with this 7 pound burrito is, if you eat it, your photo goes up on the wall.  Here is the burrito in all it’s glory:

 

This picture doesn’t even do it justice.  A man at a table next to us ordered it, and you have to see it to believe.  It is 7 pounds of breakfasty goodness.  Filled with grilled potatoes, eggs, ham, cheese, onions, chiles, and smothered in a spicy flavorful chile sauce.  I’m drooling right now thinking about it. 

Did I try the 7 pound challenge?  Hell no.  Unfortunately each of my days in Denver called for drinking lots of beer, and I doubt after putting 7 pounds of anything in my body that I will likely be able to function for the remainder of the day.  I did however try the smaller version of it that was offered as well.  The smaller version is 1/4 the size and still weighs in at roughly 1 and 3/4 pounds.  Childs play right?  Wrong.  One of the guys in our group couldn’t even finish the smaller one.  I think on a good day, I could put down two of the smaller versions, but by the time I was done with just one I was full. 

What surprised me the most was actually how unbelievably delicious the burrito was.    It was the perfect blend of breakfast and spice.  I love spicy food and it was perfect.  I am truly jealous of Denver.  From what I saw while I was there, their burgers are ridiculously sized as well.  If I lived in Denver, I would frequent that place if not weekly, monthly.  For 12 dollars, you can’t get a better deal. 

I’ll stop now, while I am hungry.  It’s the second to last Friday in Lent, and I don’t know what it is about not eating meat on Friday’s that make me want it that much more.  I’m hoping that Jack & Grill sticks around for many years, because it will definitely be one of my destinations next time I find myself in Denver for a few days. 

Have a great weekend!

Filed under: Fatty, bachelor party, barf, beer , Denver, Jack & Grill

Grandma’s bomb

As a follow up to the previous post, I came on today to finalize the story I promised about my grandmother, so if you are reading this one before the last, you should skip down right now to the previous story as to not read the end of the story before the beginning.  I think they call that a spoiler alert even thought I didn’t really get too far in the story to begin with. 

It’s snowing out again.  The weather people have said this will go down as the harshest December from a snow/temp standpoint on record.  It will be fun this evening trying to dig our third car out of the snow.  It hasn’t been moved since the snow started falling due to the snow removal company virtually shovelling it in.  I took pictures.  Where we park our car, it can only be backed out.  It’s hard to describe, but by the time I had come home a few nights ago, there was a 9 foot tall mountain of snow not only blocking our car in but also the neighbors.  So tonight I get to begin my quest of unsnowing this car so we can park it in the garage while we are out of town for the next week and a half.  I went out last night and bought a shovel and I was quite surprised to find out that of the three places I went, I couldn’t find one single metal shovel.  Only Plastic.  For the amount of snow that I will be moving, I hope a plastic shovel works.  I also home that I don’t have a heart attack of the variety that you read about each year.  “32 year old collapses and dies while shoveling snow”.   I have to expect with the 10 more inches they are calling for today that it might be possible that I will be unable to get it out.  I haven’t shoveled in a few years, so I will be interested to see how I hold up. 

…i’m stalling on the story…

So, two more days and I will be out of this cold frigid arctic tundra that we call Chicagoland. I can’t wait.  Arizona and Las Vegas will be fun.

…get with the story already…

So, without further ado (I don’t really know what that means) I give you the most disturbing conversation that I have ever had with a family member…

(names have been changed in this story to protect those individuals from what I have no idea)

The background on this story goes like this:  I was talking with my grandmother on the phone and discussing our holiday travels when the conversation turned to my cousin Mary.  So Mary is 22 now and I have known her to be a sweet innocent albeit chunky girl my whole life.  Lately I have noticed some changes.  She has been taking on the form of a boy.  I thought nothing of it since I have several girl cousins that are all tom boys.  So this past visit with my cousin I noticed a tattoo on her wrist.  It was of a heart filled in with the colors of the rainbow.  My wife noticed the same thing and it became obvious to us that my cousin is now a lesbian.  The icing on the cake was overhearing one of our 7 year old distant cousins ask my aunt (not Mary’s mother) if Mary was a boy or a girl.  I would have fittingly used the name Pat in this story, but I could not since I do have a cousin named Pat as well.  But I digress…

So, while talking with my grandmother, she announced to me that my cousin Mary was arrested this past week for stealing drugs out of the Walgreens that she worked in.   She was a pharmaceutical tech studying to become a full on pharmacist, but I doubt that can happen now.  They charged her with theft, and possession of drugs with intent to deliver.  My grandmother had no idea what type of drugs she was taking, but I have to believe that maybe they were the drugs needed to make Meth to which if that’s the case, we might see Mary go bye bye for a while. 

Upon hearing this news, I said “I’m not completely shocked since I have noticed some changes in Mary recently…”

“Oh…what changes are those?”  My grandmother asked.

“Do you  really want to know Grandma?” 

“Yes…I do.” 

“Have you seen the tattoo that Mary has on her wrist?” I asked.

“No,  I haven’t.” 

“It’s of a heart filled in with a rainbow.”  “Being from the Chicago area, I have seen similar tatoo’s and outward signs that represent being gay.”  “That is most defintely an outward indication that she has become a lesbian.”  I hesitantly told my grandmother.  I continued, “Haven’t you noticed that she has taken on the appearance of a boy with the clothes she wears and the way she cuts her hair now?” 

“Yes, I have noticed.”  “I have always told your aunt Brenda and your uncle Don to quit dressing the girls like they were boys.”  “I can’t stand that.” 

My grandmother continued, “Your uncle Don had told me in the past that Mary had mentioned about messing around with women.  I don’t believe that you are born that way, I think it’s a choice you make as you get older.  Everyone growing up is faced with thoughts about the same sex and experiment.  I even experimented with other girls growing up but I always thought about boys when I was doing it.”  (it was at this point that I began dry heaving into my phone)

“What was that grandma?” I asked as if I mis heard every thing she just said. 

“We all experiment and have unnatural thoughts, so I just hope this is the experimental phases for Mary and that she is thinking about Boys like I did.”  It was at this point that I don’t really remember the rest of the conversation.  She sounded like a school teacher in a Charlie Brown cartoon because I was pressing the Ctrl, Alt, Delete keys in my brain searching for a time in my memory before I heard what I just had to safely go back to.  In hindsight, my grandmother does say some off the wall comments from memory where my grandfather will look at her like she’s crazy.  I have to wonder if he could have heard what she said if he would have given her that look.  This is proof once again that I was actually dropped off on my mom and dad’s doorstep after birth. 

So, upon hanging up the phone, I immediately called my wife to tell her the story and ask if it was indeed true that all girls go through that phase.  I waited for my wife to confess but I got nothing.  “Maybe you aren’t there yet.”  “You wish”  was pretty much her reply.

Have a safe and happy holiday season.  Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kawnza, Winter Solstice, Birth of the Baby Jesus, and whatever else you can call it.  I have another funny fat coworker girl in training class with me story but i’ll save that for later.  If anything happens in Arizona/Vegas while I am traveling I’ll put it up.

Filed under: Christmas, Grandma, Lesbian, New Year, barf, creepy, puke, scared, train wreck, weird