Back on the juice…

But don’t tell anyone.  It’s a secret.  If you are wondering what the “juice” is, it’s high octane, completely bad for you energy drinks.  If you knew me before I went on my rediculous weight loss regime, you could find me each and every morning starting off my day with a 16oz tall boy can of Sobe NoFear.  I couldn’t get through the day with out it.  I was addicted.  Since I don’t drink coffee that was my morning caffeine.  If I didn’t get it for the day I would break out into a sweat and begin shaking violently…well…not that bad.  But I would get cranky without it. 

So, when I decided to live a healthier lifestyle, the energy drink was the first to go.  I only had a few relapses while traveling which usually required the use of said juice to keep me awake while driving during unusual hours of the day. 

I was pretty happy about being off the juice until…

Around a month ago several people on my team, including my manager, began not only drinking them, but drinking them like a wealthy child eats ice cream in front of a poor child that has none.  They would dance and drink and celebrate the fruity caffeinated goodness that comes in the 16oz variety.  Maybe I embellished a little, but it suddenly became hip around my office to be seen in meetings and at your desk drinking something that  should in no way ever enter your body. 

I was able to reject that aspect of it.  I am not a conformist.  (Is that a word?) I still stayed away since I never bought them myself even though I could walk up all of 12 steps by my desk and be in the cafeteria where they sell them.  So, what does my manager go out and do?  He buys a Rockstar energy drink fridge and it sits humming at a very low level within 5 steps of my desk. 

 

 

 

This is the exact same fridge with sparkly stickers and everything!!!

Not only did my manager have an energy drink fridge brought in, it has now become “sponsored” by one of our vendors meaning it is stocked full of different varieties of energy drinks at all times.  All free.  

So what’s a man to do?  Not partake in the caffeinated dance?  I don’t think so. 

I have easily fallen back into my old habits and I am sure that any and all weight lost during my “ride the snake” diet plan earlier in the year will be coming back to me in no time.  Except this year, I welcome the weight by tricking my mind into thinking I am like a penguin where the excess fat will shield me from the sub artic temps this upcoming winter. 

But don’t tell my wife, since she is fearful of an energy drunk husband.  When i’m on the juice, I get MEAN and have fits of RAGE and ACNE…and I tend to SCREAM every fourth or FIFTH word.  

This upcoming weekend is full of all sorts of balloon twisting shenanigans.    Visit my site if you haven’t in a while.  I have uploaded some fun new photos from the past couple of weeks.  I have more to put up in the coming week.  This weekend I will be the featured at a  Dicks Sporting Goods grand opening in Yorkville, IL as well as a Mortgage company’s fall party.  Add that to a couple of birthday parties, church, and NFL football, and I should be wondering where the weekend went at about 9pm Sunday night.  Hope you enjoy yours!

Filed under: Addiction, Roid Rage juice, balloon, peer pressure, weekend, work

Rainman

Last night I brought my wife to tears and I feel just absolutely horrible thinking about it.  Upon my arrival home for what I thought would be a fun evening together, I recommended that we go for a bike ride.  She agreed and off we went. This is the second bike ride that she and I have ever been on, and the 78 degree temp in mid october felt like it was summer.  We had a nice hour long bike ride through the neighborhood, and arrived home in time for me to begin dinner and prepare for Monday Night Football. 

On Mondays I like to cook dinner and have everything finished so we can sit down just before the game begins so I can watch while we eat.  Now I know that isn’t a “quality” dinner time with the wife, which is why I go out of my way to get home from work early so we can either go for a walk or in this instance, a bike ride so stop with the “that’s unhealthy” thoughts already. 

As I walked into the house sweaty, tired, and uncomfortable from riding the bike, I get ready to start preparing dinner.  I decided to cook out on the grill.  With all the windows open in the house, I can stand out on the deck with a large window open so that I can hear and watch the pre monday night football show on ESPN while I cook.  It’s a Win Win.  I cook dinner and get to watch football.  My wife exited the living room as I looked at her and begin singing the Monday Night Football theme.  As I pick up the controller I sing “Are you ready for some football!!!?!!!”  “A Monday Night Party!!!”  My wife has now completely gone out of site. 

So, I turn on the television and see that a movie is on the FX channel since the pre football show isn’t on yet, and I get a blank screen with the message “This channel is not available”.  Weird, I thought since I watch that channel all the time.  Thinking it’s a Directv issue, I decide just to put it on ESPN and wait until the program begins, so I flip it to ESPN and behold, I get the same black screen and message.  I go to the local stations to find that they are working just fine. 

This is where I began to seriously panic.  It wasn’t more than six months ago that my wife cut back on our directv package to save money.  I lost several channels that I watched on a very frequent basis and we fought over it for some time.  I gave in since saving money is in our best interest and I settled for the channels that we do still have which I will admit is a lot.  I also realized that yesterday was Columbus day leaving my wife home all day to pay the bills which means that she was looking for ways to cut more money out of the budget and I am now staring at an hour before kickoff without ESPN, thus leaving me unable to watch Monday NIght Football. 

My wife is in our bedroom. 

“Honey, did you do anything today with Directv to alter our channels in any way?”  I asked this knowing the answer, but hoping she would say “No.” 

“Maybe…why?” she asks back fearful of what is to come. 

She came out to the living room to experience what I believe has to be the most immature embarrasing act of my life.  In between me telling her to get her ass on the phone with Directv and reverse everything she had done and saying that if she didn’t she would see me re-enact violently the scene from rainmain where Dustin Hoffman had a fit over not getting to watch The Peoples Court, I might have said other immature things.  I don’t recall because at one point I had plugged my ears and began screaming while stomping on the floor in front of the television. 

My wife, being a kindergarten teacher, was albe to identify that she was right smack dab in the middle of a six year old breakdown and reatreated back to the bedroom to call Directv.  After five minutes of me slamming cupboards and pots and pans, ESPN appeared on the television screen and my rage began to settle.  Within a good five miutes my behavior had begun flashing through my brain and embarrasment began settling in. 

I think I apologized for my behavior no less than fifty times including one mid prayer before dinner directly to my wife.  If telling God that I am sorry for acting like a five year out loud in front of my wife doesn’t tell her I am truly sorry, then I don’t know what will. 

I don’t know what my issue is, but I know this little incident signifies a bigger issue.  I need help.

Filed under: Addiction, Cry baby, Rain Man, bitchy, grouchy, stupid, train wreck, weird, wife